


Enigma of the Ground

by CommanderMechanic



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Backstory, Childhood Memories, City of Light (The 100), F/F, Fix-It of Sorts, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lexa Lives, Light Angst, Nightmares, Not Canon Compliant, post 307
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 04:28:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6939736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderMechanic/pseuds/CommanderMechanic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-307 canon divergence to tie up the season and give Clexa a proper storyline. Clarke goes back to Arkadia and comes up with her own solution for Pike and the City of Light, plus we finally get to learn some more of Lexa's background. The gang gets back together and, after some keen tactical decision making, Lexa joins them to set about making proper peace on the ground.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story picks up from 31 min into 307. Just after the sex scene. It is almost entirely canon divergent from there on out. I pull a few elements from the recaps I have read since, when they fit my story well, but mostly Lexa did not die fuck that. Lincoln didn’t die, fuck that too. Fuck most of anything canon that happened after Clexa. Here’s my take on what happens instead.
> 
> I’m going to add characters/pairings and tags as they appear in chapters because I don’t want to give away too much of the story before it happens! If you find anything triggering though that wasn’t tagged drop me a comment and I will gladly add it to the tags for the benefit of all!
> 
> This first chapter is short and sweet and angstyfluff :) I’m hoping to update somewhat regularly but please don’t beg for updates or I will intentionally hold them off once they are written to spite you for being a demanding prick. If you want updates you can go write thousands of words of your own, tyvm.

Clarke pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Lexa’s head where she lay, completely spent, flopped across Clarke’s torso, arm wrapped lazily around her waist.

“I have to get going.”

Lexa sighed, twisting her head to look up at Clarke through heavily lidded eyes.

“I know,” She whispered, pressing her face tightly against Clarke’s chest. She tried to memorize the feeling, the smell, the warmth of it all, taking in a deep breath and desperately holding onto it.

Clarke returned the gesture by burrowing her nose into Lexa’s wild curls and brushing her hand softly along Lexa’s tattooed arm.

They gave each other a tight squeeze before Lexa relaxed and pulled away slightly, giving Clarke reluctant permission to go, but not ready to break the contact herself.

Clarke pressed one more kiss into Lexa’s forehead before slipping her legs over the edge of the bed and standing to gather her clothes from the floor.

Lexa watched silently as Clarke dressed, taking in each spanse of skin as it was covered up and willing the lines to burn into her brain. She wasn’t sure how long it would be until she saw Clarke again. She had been ready for it before, she knew Clarke had a duty to her people, but things had changed. She hadn’t expected this. She hadn’t known Clarke was ready. She knew Clarke had responded with “not yet” the first time they kissed, but Lexa thought after what happened at Mount Weather that not yet had become not ever.

She had been surprised the time she had awoken from a nightmare to find Clarke’s drawing of her sleeping. Clarke made her look so soft and gentle. Drew her in a way that looked so personal and close that Lexa had wondered if maybe it could go back to being “not yet”. She hadn’t really believed it though, brushed it off as being hopeful. Clarke couldn’t feel the same. Not anymore. Not after what Lexa had done.

That wasn’t the first time Lexa had felt hopeful. Clarke had been worried when Nia had challenged her. Worried enough to make brash decisions to try and circumvent Lexa fighting entirely. Worried enough to come to Lexa and ask her not to fight. Worried enough to yell and stomp and beg. She had shown up to watch Lexa fight even. Lexa had felt hope then.

But the hope hadn’t lasted long, because as soon as the fight was over Clarke was gone. Lexa had been whisked away to have her wounds tended. Then there had been meetings and negotiations to settle following the challenge. There had been much to work out and by the time Lexa had finally bathed and gone to see Clarke, the hope was gone again. Clarke had only been worried for her people, not for Lexa. Never for Lexa.

As much as Lexa wanted to believe Clarke could forgive her, and as much as she made sure to accommodate the needs of Clarke and her people -- their people -- she knew what she had done did not deserve forgiveness. She hoped Clarke would understand, but didn’t expect it. Each time it seemed like Clarke might understand, Lexa brushed it off as false hope.

So when Clarke had come into her room unannounced, Lexa had been mildly surprised to see her. She wished Clarke could stay, but she knew they both had a duty. Lexa had been prepared for a handshake, and to give Clarke encouragement that her and Octavia would be able to sort it out. She had not expected such a blatant display of forgiveness and trust. Of love. And now Lexa didn’t feel prepared to let that all go again. Suddenly all of her hope had become reality, and now they both had to walk away from it.

Lexa blinked back a tear, frozen where she lay, her breath catching in her throat as she watched Clarke finally slipping on her boots. Clarke stood, looking to Lexa with shining eyes and pursed lips, offering a curt nod as she turned to leave.

“Wait,” Lexa choked.

Clarke paused, but did not turn back to face Lexa. She couldn’t turn back. If she turned back she knew she would break. She stood in place and waited for Lexa to continue.

Lexa padded wordlessly from the bed to the bathroom, returning quietly a moment later and moving behind Clarke. She gently pressed something into Clarke’s hand, barely managing to whisper a feeble “ _here_ ”.

Clarke turned at the touch, lifting her hand to take a look at the object. Lexa’s hand followed with hers, fingers barely wrapping around Clarke’s wrist. It was a hair tie, a simple brown leather cord really, darkened from use, smudges of oil and dirt and kohl rubbed deep into the grain.

Clarke lifted her eyes to meet Lexa’s, and both of them glistened with unshed tears. Lexa reached up and pulled her fingers through Clarke’s unkempt hair, working out a few knots until she could free a section from each of her temples. She pulled them back, twisting them before fastening them together at the back of Clarke’s head. _Like before_. She thought, voicing the words only with her eyes locked onto Clarke’s.

Clarke leaned forward, pressing her forehead to Lexa’s in response, clasping her forearm tightly in a parting gesture.

This time it was Clarke who shed a single tear, and Lexa watched it roll down her cheek as she turned and walked out the door.

Wiping at her eyes Clarke hurried down the hall to her room to grab the last of her belongings. She blinked back tears as she picked up her bags, taking a deep breath to pull herself together enough to face Octavia. She slung them over her shoulder, and brushed her fingers gently across the tie at the back of her head. Dropping her hand back down she set her jaw, pushing thoughts of Lexa out, and headed for the lift that would take her back to the ground. Back to her people. Back to war

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! I am excited for my first multichapter adventure! Chapter 2 is almost finished as well so should be up in a couple days and that's when the plot really gets started :) I just thought these two deserved their own chapter to wrap up before being thrown into the fray


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We follow Clarke and Octavia to Arkadia and the plot begins to unfold!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of the dialogue is sort of re-cappy from what we've seen in S3 already because everyone needs to be brought up to speed on what's been going on. Hopefully it's still interesting! Once everyone is all on the same page there won't be so much recap.

Octavia was waiting at the edge of the city with a horse for each of them when Clarke got there. She was mildly surprised to see Indra perched atop a muscled brown horse next to Octavia, but gave a nod of acknowledgement none the less. It would be good to have Indra along, and Clarke was glad to see her set to purpose again after the past few days.

“Took you long enough,” Octavia chided.

Clarke still wasn’t sure her words would come as more than a croak, so she settled with an apathetic shrug in return.

“Well I’m glad you came, Clarke. We need you. We have to do this.”

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded, fastening her bags to the saddle. She swung her leg up over the horse and settled into the hard seat, focusing her eyes on the trail ahead. “Let’s go.”

Indra clicked her tongue and set off, leading the way for the long journey back to Arkadia.

 

The journey was long and tense, Clarke shifting uncomfortably in her saddle most of the ride. Her thighs ached and her pants chafed against her skin, scratching away the lingering feeling of Lexa’s smooth tongue and strong fingers. She wasn’t used to riding a horse by any stretch, as she had only done so on a handful of occasions. Her muscles ached from her feet up through her hips and into her core from the constant and unfamiliar tension required to keep up their steady pace.

The last time she had travelled this path everything had been lighter. Lexa had been there and they had joked and quipped and rode with grins tugging at their cheeks. The pace had been slow and easy, with lots of time for rest, and Clarke had been able to walk alongside when her riding muscles became fatigued. There had been no rush to bring peace when they thought everyone was safe.

This time was different though. No one spoke unless necessary, and breaks were only to refill water, or relieve themselves in the bushes. There was no more peace keeping army protecting Arkadia. They were days beyond dead, and the peace long since abandoned. Now an army sent to kill anyone who left the camp filed into the trees around them, winding their way to the blockade with purpose. The hairs on Clarke arms stiffened each time she glimpsed a group of them dressed in dark armour and chilling masks. Indra would click her tongue and the horses would pick up their pace and Clarke would grip the reins and set her eyes back ahead.

Finally the trees began to thin into bushes, eventually fading into long, brittle grass. Clarke could see Arkadia in the distance and her stomach clenched uneasily at the sight. The fading moonlight glinted against the cold metal, and curls of grey smoke rose up around it from the fires. It was all hard and grey and Clarke knew the hallways were filled with echoes of conflict and violence. Her nerves screamed at her to go back to Polis, back to Lexa, but her brain fought the urge.

Clarke truly understood now, how Lexa had made the decision to leave her at Mount Weather. She had known it before, really. She had made similar decisions herself ever since she had lived on the Ark. She just wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of those decisions. The only time it had really happened before had been with her dad. Watching him get sucked out of the airlock while she knew the knowledge of the failing ventilation system that her people deserved to know was carried away with him.

She wasn’t sure which situation had hurt more. After her father, Clarke had resented Wells for thinking he had ratted on her father. Weeks stretched into months, stretched into nearly a year and she never forgave him. It hadn’t even been him though. It had been her mother. Her mother trying to do what she felt was right.

On the Ark she lost her father, her best friend, and her freedom. On the ground she found her best friend and her freedom, but lost her mother. Then lost her best friend again just days later.

At Mount Weather she lost the remaining fragments of her heart. She lost the one person she felt understood, she lost her hope for her people, then her sense of what was right. She had won back her mother and her people, but at a cost that was heavier than she could manage. She had lost herself for a while.

Yet now, riding towards the fallen ark, tearing her heart away from Polis -- from Lexa -- to try and save her people once again, Clarke truly understood. She had only just accepted that she knew Lexa had no choice and forgiven her in the past few days, yet now here they were on wrong sides of the same war again.

“Are you ready?” Octavia asked, pulling Clarke from her thoughts

Clarke shifted her gaze from the curling grey smoke to look at Octavia. “We don’t have much of a choice.”

Octavia nodded in agreement. “So, what’s the plan?”

Clarke paused, running it through in her head, simultaneously cursing the fact that she was the one expected to have the answer.

“I think we should find Kane and my mom first. They need to know what’s going on since they have been the closest thing to leaders after Pike. They’ll know what's happening with him and might have an idea. ”

“What about the rest of them? What about Bell?”

Clarke stiffened, remembering how he had blamed and manipulated her before handcuffing her and dragging her off to Pike. Her brows knotted in frustration and betrayal. Bellamy was selfish. He had been since before they even touched the ground. He had always been reactionary and volatile, a slip of the tongue away from a fist fight at any given moment, but Clarke had thought he had changed. He had done good work in Mount Weather, he had been there to support her. Clarke had learned to trust him to keep a level head and get the right job done. Now she realized that obviously that was not the case. He hadn’t changed. He still lived solely for his own purposes, craved control, and would use any means to get ahead. He was sick.

“Bellamy can go float himself,” Clarke seethed.

Octavia snorted and let out a long sigh. She knew that feeling all too well. Her brother was a real mess sometimes.

“We can’t just avoid him the whole time, Clarke. If we’re gonna get Pike to the blockade…”

“Let’s deal with him when we get to it, okay? I don’t know how deep Pike has his teeth sunk in and I need to suss it out before I can figure out how we’re gonna do this. Let’s just make sure we get to Kane and my mom first so we can tell them about the blockade and the conditions set in place by the grounders.”

Clarke let out a long breath as they approached the heavy metal gate, slowing to a stop in front of it. There were unfamiliar guards perched in the lookout, pointing their guns down at her. While she didn’t know them, they certainly knew her.

“Why have you come here, Clarke?” One of the men shouted down

“I have news from the capitol. I need to speak with Pike.”

“Pike doesn’t want to see you, traitor.”

Clarke bristled at the words. “He does when it concerns the safety of Arkadia.”

The guard huffed. “What would you know about it anyways?”

“I know that there is an army marching on Arkadia as we speak. A blockade is coming to surround the camp and as soon as the sun peeks over the trees there is a kill order on anyone who strays too far from the gate.”

“That’s funny, I don’t see any army marching on us. Why should I trust you with anything? You’ve been living with the grounders for months. Bellamy says you’ve turned against us.”

“For fucks sake let her in,” Abby’s disgruntled voice carried through the gate.

“She’s a traitor.”

“She’s my daughter. Open the goddamned gate,” Clarke could hear the daggers in her mother’s words.

The guards murmured something to each other and finally the gate began to move. Metal grated on metal, letting out a piercing screech as the gate creaked open. Abby rushed to Clarke as soon as there was enough space for her to slip through the opening. Tears glistened in her eyes as she pressed her hand firmly into Clarke’s leg, reaching up to clasp her hand where Clarke still held the reigns tight.

“Thank god,” Abby breathed.

“Mom we have to get inside. Now.”

Abby nodded and moved to lead them forwards, but a guard stopped them, training his gun on Indra.

“Not this one. She stays.”

Octavia clenched her fists, heat rising to her cheeks as she moved to climb down from her horse and speak her mind to the guard, but Indra interrupted her.

“Octavia, don’t. I will wait here. I am not in danger from my own people. You go, this is not about me.”

Octavia met her eyes, fire burning behind them, questioning, challenging. Indra merely returned the look, willing her to let it go. There wasn’t time for this. Octavia opened her mouth, ready to fight, but closed it again before nodding and turning to follow Abby and Clarke through the gates.

Once they were inside the camp, Clarke and Octavia dismounted from their horses and led them to the trough, tying them up to drink and rest. Abby pulled Clarke into a quick hug, using her palm to press Clarke’s head tight against her own.

“Don't say anything until we're alone. Follow me,” Abby whispered into Clarke’s ear.

Clarke gave a quick squeeze of acknowledgement and shot a glance to Octavia trying to relay the message silently.

Octavia bit her lip, unsure what the look was about but figured she would keep quiet because it was clearly something Clarke couldn't say aloud.

They followed Abby into the ark, winding through metallic corridors. They didn't head for the medical bay as Clarke had anticipated. Instead they found themselves standing in a small room, hardly more than a closet, cluttered with papers full of scribbled notes and diagrams, guns and scrap metal.

Kane sat inside hunched over a desk, his hair greasy and his beard grown long and unkempt. He turned when he heard them enter, reaching for the gun leaned against the chair next to him. He relaxed though when he saw who it was, leaned back into his chair and ran a hand through his hair pulling it back from his face. Clarke could see dark shadows lining heavy folds under his eyes. He looked positively haggard.

Abby glanced both ways down the hall before shutting the door quietly behind them. She moved to wrap her hands around Clarke's arms and brushed stray hairs back from her face before cupping Clarke's cheek in her hand.

“Clarke, it's so good to see you.”

Clarke gave a tentative smile, looking between Kane and her mother. “Mom, what's going on here?”

Kane and Abby shared a knowing look, neither of them sure where to start.

“What has Pike done now?” Clarke asked, rage creeping into her voice.

“It's more than that,” Kane offered, words heavy with exhaustion. “Jaha…”

“Jaha? I thought he--”

“We’ll get to that, honey,” Abby soothed. “What are you doing here? As nice as it is to see you, I know you wouldn't come back here unless you had to. Plus...it's not safe here.”

“It’s not safe anywhere. It’s about Pike...and the grounders.That village...they're pissed. They...she...Lexa had to,”  Clarke paused, looking down at her tightly clenched fists. “Mom there's a kill order. They’re setting up a blockade around Arkadia. Too many people have been killed. Lexa held off as long as she could but…” Her shoulders slumped and her fist loosened. “Anyone who leaves Arkadia will be killed on sight until we deliver Pike to them. We have to make people understand. We have to mom...or else… Or else we’re all dead.”

Abby swallowed hard looking from Clarke to Octavia, and back to Clarke.

“I tried to warn them but…” Octavia croaked

Abby offered a sympathetic half smile, trying her best to be reassuring but not really convincing anyone. She sucked in a breath and glanced to Kane before turning back to look at Clarke.

“It’s bad, Clarke. Pike has his claws in deep and the few of us opposing him...well… Clarke we’re losing them,” Abby twisted away, shifting her eyes to the floor. “We lost Raven. Jaha’s been giving out these keys. We're not sure exactly what they do yet. They take away all your pain, but also change you. Jaha is going on about this City of Light, and they’re all talking to someone -- Alie they call her. I can't tell if it's a hallucination or something else,” she sighed, bringing her fingers up to press against her temple. “I've been trying to study the keys and figure it out. Since Raven took one I've been running her blood work but it leaves no trace in the system. It's something else, unlike anything I've seen before.”

Clarke balked. Nothing made sense. How had Jaha made it back? Where did these keys come from? And Raven. Why had Raven taken one? How could she have? What the fuck were they going to do now? There were too many wars to fight and not enough answers for any of them. Questions swirled in Clarke's head, overwhelming her and making her feel sick to her stomach.

“How? Raven? Why?” Clarke stammered

“She’s been through a lot.”

“We've all been through a lot!” Clarke screamed, her voice cracking and tears falling from her eyes. “Raven wouldn't.”

“Clarke,” Abby soothed, resting her hand on Clarke's arm.

Clarke pulled away, curling in on herself.

“Maybe if I had--maybe Raven...fuck,” she slumped against the wall, breath constricted and shaky. She brought her hands up to smear at wet cheeks before slicking back the stray hair that fell into her face. Her fingers absently wandered across the tie in her hair and Clarke paused. She closed her eyes as she ran her fingertips against the smooth leather, sucking in a steadying breath.

"We’ll figure something out. _We have to,”_ Clarke said, steeling her voice. “How bad is it? With Jaha. How many have taken the key?”

“It’s hard to say honestly. Jaha has quite a few followers and his numbers are growing quickly. He had around 30 people by the time I got the keys away from him. I'm working on--”

“You got the keys?” Clarke sighed in mild relief.

“Yeah, but a couple more have joined him since, so some others must have had some. I'm analyzing them now though, Jaha says its a silicon that binds to the brain stem to interrupt pain receptors,” Abby furrowed her brow in frustration. “I’m not convinced that’s all they do. They’re affecting emotional states as well, and I think even memories. Thelonious couldn't even remember his own son…” her face paled and her voice trailed off.

“How’s Raven doing?” Clarke asked, hopeful maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as she thought.

“She’s doing alright. I mean she seems to be. It would be a lot easier if we could just trust her, but it's too late for that now. She seems happy, honestly, but that kind of pain doesn't just go away like this.”

Silence fell across the room as everyone mulled it over. It was a mess and no one really had any answer for it.

Kane spoke then, laying his hand comfortingly atop Abby's white knuckled grip on the desk. “Things with Pike are as bad as ever. He's still got Lincoln and the rest of the grounders locked up. He's been busy, taking soil and water samples. I had Octavia follow them last week and --”

“They almost killed a boy. A child, Clarke. It's bad,” Octavia interjected, her words coming out as a growl.

Clarke shifted uncomfortably, clenching her fists, the muscles in her jaw twitching.

“It’s thanks to Octavia that he survived, and that anyone made it out of that village alive. Pike’s got a strong following,” Kane continued. “He gains more every day and even if they don't support him, most people are too scared to speak against him. He controls most of the guard units now, and put a lockdown on weapons outside of his sworn guards. It's bad. People are scared. There aren't many of us left to fight.”

“Who have we got?” Clarke asked.

“The four of us,” Octavia huffed.

“Yes, and a few others. Monty when he can get away. Harper and Miller have been helping out on the side. Sinclair’s good, he’s been looking into this City of Light situation as well, but Pike has been keeping him busy himself.”

“We’ve got Jackson still too. And Jasper but he's...Clarke you should talk to him,” Abby added.

Clarke's gaze fell to the floor “I'm not sure I can. He doesn't want to have anything to do with me, mom.”

“I just think it would be good for him. It might help him to understand. Maybe if he see’s you're still hurting too he can find some peace in knowing you didn't want to hurt anyone.”

“I don't think so. I killed all of them. Maya’s death is on me. I didn't have any other options when I pulled that lever. I had to save us. I don't think I can fix that with Jasper. He's mourning and it's my fault, but an apology won’t make it go away.”

“I know that, I do. I'm just worried about him and none of us have really been able to reach him. You've been gone a long time. Maybe seeing you will help him now.”

“I'll think about it. I'm not going to push him into anything. Anyways, is there anyone else?”

“Not really,” Octavia said, bitterness in her voice.

Clarke turned to look at her.

“My piece of shit brother is still following Pike around like a fucking lost sheep.”

Clarke hardened, thinking back to the last time she had seen him. Remembering what he had done. The way he had murdered hundreds of grounders in cold blood. Manipulated her and Octavia into thinking he was ready to help again. Clarke shook at the memories, disgust and betrayal settling in her limbs. Of course he was still with Pike.

“So what do we do?” Octavia asked.

“I think we have to start by announcing the blockade,” Kane suggested. “People have to know about it because we can't risk losing anyone. Pike isn't going to be able to wipe them out this time, since the grounders will be ready, so we don't have to worry about that. Maybe we will get lucky and it will generate enough fear that people will turn him over. It's our best shot for now.”

“Marcus is right. The blockade should be our first priority,” Abby agreed.  “We still don't know what kind of threat Jaha poses, and since I've got the keys locked away we can bear to put that on the back burner for now. I'll keep working on trying to figure out what they’re doing but, as little as I trust them, at least they aren't killing anyone yet.”

“Right. I’d like to tell Monty and Harper and them first. Maybe Monty can get us on to the PA so we can get the truth out to as many people as possible before Pike twists it himself.”

“Good plan,” Kane agreed. “ Abby and I will go talk to Pike. By now someone has probably woken him to tell him you’re here. He’s going to be looking for answers. We’ll try to stall him while you two find Monty. Pike’s going to need time to figure out what he will say to everyone so as long as we can keep him occupied so you can get on the PA it should work.”

They all nodded at each other and Abby pulled Clarke into one last quick hug, planting a kiss to her cheek and whispering “ _you can do this.”_ before they set off in different directions.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Octavia are sneaky sneaky and Clarke should be Chancellor.

“Monty’s probably in electrical with Sinclair. With the amount of stuff breaking down since the crash they’ve been spending all of their  time in there. Raven too… well, before…” Octavia clenched her jaw and visibly refocused herself. “Sinclair set up a cot in there so he could deal with the inevitable overnight mechanical failures, and Monty has been doing his best to help out.”

 

“Right. Let’s move fast and try not to get spotted by any of Pikes lackeys.”

 

Clarke followed Octavia down the hall, peeking together around each corner before moving ahead. The hallways were mostly dim and empty, though at one point they saw a few guards turning a corner towards them. Octavia immediately pinned Clarke to the wall with one strong arm and the guards continued on their path unaware. As the guards passed, chatter from the radios on their belts broke the silence. “ _Abby let her...haven't seen them…headed to the...check medical bay…”_ were the only snippets Clarke could hear before they were out of earshot.

 

Octavia tugged Clarke along behind her as soon as the guards passed, and the pair continued to electrical. They pushed through the doors and almost smashed into Jasper, who was on his way out, not expecting to see anyone at this time of night.

 

Jasper looked up at Octavia before shooting a glare at Clarke and pushing past them roughly before she even had a chance to open her mouth.

 

“Jasper…” Clarke called after him but he didn’t even hesitate, disappearing around the corner a moment later.

 

“We’ll have time for him later. Stay focused Clarke.” Octavia pressed a hand against Clarke's arm to turn her away from the empty hallway, urging her to let it go for now.

 

Clarke nodded, pressing forward into the electrical room to look for Monty and Sinclair amidst the maze of wires and switchboards. They found Monty first, slumped against one of the panels looking ashen faced and tired.

 

Monty looked up, sombreness replaced by confusion when he saw the two of them. “Octavia! Thank god you're okay. After what happened at the village, well, we weren't sure what was going to happen to you. And Clarke? What are you doing here?”

 

Octavia tipped her head and offered a half-hearted smile. “Yeah. I'm alright.”

 

“What’s going on?” Clarke asked, noticing right away the defeated expression Monty had failed to conceal when they walked in.

 

“Me? I'm fine. It’s just… Nothing. I’m fine. Why are you here though?”

 

“It's the grounders. They want Pike. They've set up a blockade around the camp and there's a kill order on anyone who leaves, starting at dawn.”

 

“Shit. The village.”

 

“And the 300 people my brother helped to slaughter.”

 

“Can you get us into the PA system?” Clarke asked. “Its crucial that we make the announcement before Pike has a chance to twist this into another anti grounder campaign..”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” Monty turned to call over his shoulder, “Sinclair! Clarke’s here. She needs to use the PA.”

 

They heard something heavy clang onto the floor, followed by some muffled cursing and shuffling before Sinclair popped his head around the corner, a warm smile pulling across his face.

 

“We can do that,” he grinned. “Glad you guys are back.”

 

Clarke and Octavia nodded sombrely. They stepped aside to let him pass and he gave each of them a squeeze on the arm before leading the group to a cobbled looking radio tucked into a far corner of the room, Clarke filling him in on the details as they walked.

 

“Monty and I put this together a while ago, thinking it would come in handy at some point. We haven't had a chance to test it yet, because as soon as we do they're going to come looking for it, but this seems like as good a time as any to give it a try.” He bent in behind the radio, tracing tangled cords and ensuring the plugs were secure. “It should all be wired into the system correctly. Start with the most important parts because I'm not sure how long we will have before they cut us out.”

 

“Got it.” Clarke gave a hard nod and took a moment to collect her thoughts.

 

She thought of her dad and the conflict between whether to inform people of the failing life support, or let them keep their false sense of security. She thought of Wells and what had happened when she went public with Murphy’s knife, cringing at the memory of Murphy strung up in a tree, mob mentality driving everyone out of control.

 

To be honest, a mutiny was exactly what she came here for. As awful as they were, the memories she feared were just what she was trying to accomplish now. She needed the people to turn on Pike and give him up. Pike had a lot of support though, unlike Murphy or her father. Fear ran deep and Pike used it as a weapon to control the majority the Arkers.  She didn’t think they would turn on him so easily.

 

Clarke looked to her friends, gathering courage from their confident nods as she met each of their eyes. She picked up the microphone and brought it to her mouth, taking a deep breath before pressing the button to speak.

 

“ Arkadia, this is Clarke Griffin.” She paused, hoping to give people a moment to wake up. “I have come to tell you that the grounders have run out of patience. Over the past few weeks Pike has murdered peaceful warriors sent here to lay down their lives to protect you. He has threatened innocent children, mothers, families -- civilians -- in order to take over their land. Worst of all he has somehow convinced you all that these actions were right and just. They were not. They are not.

"This is not our land. The ground is not ours to take. We have no right to pillage these lands as our own.

"The grounders don’t want to harm us, but they need to protect their villages and their people. They will not sit back and allow us to murder again while they sleep. They have set up a blockade around Arkadia, and starting at dawn anyone who goes beyond the perimeter will be killed. In the interest of justice they ask that we deliver them Pike, so he may answer for his crimes.They demand that justice be served-- that the guilty be punished so that we can move forward together.  

"Once we deliver Pike to them, the blockade will be lifted and we can navigate peace with the grounders. Until then, I urge you to stay inside the camp. Make no threat on their people and they will not harm you here. There has been enough fighting, enough war. The Ice Queen is gone and the grounders are ready for peace. Their Commander has been lenient, as she understands our history with the grounders does not bolster trust. She has tried to show us that the coalition does not want a war. However, Pike’s tyranny must end if we are going to make this work. We cannot have peace unless we lay down our weapons and give it a chance.”

 

Clarke released the button and looked around, somewhat surprised that she hadn’t been cut off yet. She hadn’t really thought of much else that needed to be said. The grounders were here and they wanted Pike. There wasn’t much more to it than that.

 

Recognizing Clarke’s struggle, Monty gestured for her to hand him the microphone. She passed it over with only a moment of hesitation, the choice was in the hands of her people now.

 

“The grounders are ready to work with us, we just have to give them the chance.” Monty began calmly over the PA. “Pike has everyone scared about survival, but the truth is that joining with the grounders will give us all of that security. We’ve had our differences with them in the past, especially those of you from Farm Station who were dealing with the Ice Nation, but that threat is gone now. We know more about each other than we used to, and we’re all just trying to survive. The grounders can help us with food and shelter, teach us the Earth skills we couldn’t learn on the Ark. Give them a proper chance, Pike’s way of violence is not--” The PA system crackled as it cut out, ending Monty’s attempts to appeal to the people of Arkadia.

 

A few moments passed in silence before they heard that telltale pop, followed by the low fuzzy hum letting them know someone was about to speak.

 

“ _People of Arkadia,_ ” Pike’s voice began, deep and commanding over the speaker. “ _It is true that the grounders have surrounded our camp. Why should we believe that they are coming here to create peace? Peace is not made with weapons and threats. The grounders are our enemy, they have been since day one._ ”

 

The doors to the electrical room opened, and they could hear footsteps searching for them down the corridors.

 

“ _Go._ ” Clarke mouthed to Sinclair, gesturing for him to hide before he was implicated as well. He held her eyes before turning and slipping quietly away.

 

“ _The grounders do not want to help us, they want to wipe us out. That’s what they have been trying to do all along. But we are not going to let them. Just as before we are going to fight, we will not take this lying down._ ”

 

The footsteps turned the corner and four armed guards appeared as the source. One of them reached for his radio, letting everyone know Clarke had been found, while Pike’s voice continued over the speaker in the background.

 

“Come with us,” the guard demanded. “All of you.”

 

The guards brought their guns up to point at the three left standing by the radio. Clarke nodded and stepped forward, ready to follow them out. As they moved forward, one of the guards reached to grip Octavia’s arm.

 

“Does it look like I’m trying to run away?” the snarled at him, snatching her arm away.

 

The guard merely narrowed his eyes and jabbed the point of his gun into her back to urge her forward.

 

“ _We will get through this together. We are survivors and the grounders are no match for our guns. For now, stay in the Ark and keep your families close. I assure you, the grounders will not remain a threat for long._ ” Pike concluded his speech, the microphone cutting off again with a pop.

 

They were led out into the hall, which was already bustling with tired, confused, and somewhat panicked pajama clad individuals. Some were knocking on neighbours doors, others clutching children or partners close to them, while others still stood in a silent stupor, watching the activity unfold before them. Most of the kids shrunk away when their eyes fell on the guards, but a few of the adults gave affirming nods and stood a little straighter as they passed. With each hallway they entered, the people ahead of them would become suddenly hushed, while murmurs would erupt behind them, whispering about Clarke, or Pike, or the grounders a little louder than they intended.

Instead of leading them to lockup, the guards brought them to a small office adjacent to the Chancellor’s chambers.

  
“Wait here,” a guard ordered as they stepped out of the room, flanking the doors on either side before sealing the three delinquents inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to my beta @ishipbadasschicks for half hour debates on how to make a speech sound most in character. We never agreed. She's the bomb diggity check out her stuff!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter we jump back to Lexa in Polis and follow her after Clarke's departure. Lexa is such an angsty little bean and such a softie on the inside even though she has her tough Commander exterior. You get to learn some snippets of her past now too which I am excited about! This chapter is pretty soft and squishy and a nice break from the Arkadia drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is un-betaed so sorry for any mistakes etc. Hope you enjoy! I am really loving being able to give Lexa a backstory.

Soon after Clarke left, Lexa had gone to meet with the ambassadors to work out the details of the blockade. Titus, as usual, sat next to her and did his best to convince her to respond with violence. As soon as the meeting was adjourned, Titus stayed with her and made sure to remind her, multiple times, that she was showing weakness, that Clarke was getting to her.

He had been carrying on about this for weeks, but today he was particularly persistent. Understandably so, Lexa figured, since she was so blatantly ignoring him at this point. She was sick of his nagging by now though, especially as the hour grew later. She’d heard quite enough for one day, enough for a lifetime really. She wasn’t sure if he even knew of the events that had transpired earlier in the evening, but she was very tempted to scream it to his face in the hope that it would shut him up. She held her tongue though, because really, she just wanted to go back to her room and be alone -- well, be with Clarke, but that wasn’t an option. Lexa finally got rid of him by announcing she needed to prepare for the ride, turning her back to him and stalking out of the room with a dismissive wave of her hand.

As soon as she was back in her room Lexa crumpled into the furs on her bed, finally letting herself acknowledge all of the ways her body was telling her she was upset. She burrowed under the furs, pulling them up over her head and letting the weight of them press against her. Clarke’s scent still lingered, and a couple more tears snuck silently from her eyes.

Sometimes she hated being the Commander. She also loved it, and was honoured to have been chosen for the position. She liked that she could make a difference for her people, that she could change things. When she was young there had been so much violence, always fighting between the clans. As a young _natblida_ she watched many of her mentors go to war and not return. She’d seen the sadness and suffering, the harsh rule of the previous commander, the tyranny of the _Azplana_. She had always resolved to do something about it if she became Heda, and was grateful for the opportunity now.

 She’d done a lot, she supposed, when she really thought about it. They had come a long way with the formation of the coalition. Conversely, there had been so many losses, so many setbacks.  The Azgeda had always been a challenge, Nia was brutal and power hungry, which made for a particularly disruptive combo. Losing Costia had perhaps been the hardest thing Lexa had experienced. Harder than the conclave, she thought, because at least she had been preparing for that her whole life. She had grown up knowing it was kill or be killed. While all of the _natblidas_ had grown close, they did not allow themselves to become attached as they all knew what was to come.

 Costia had been different though. Lexa hadn’t held back with her. Costia wasn't supposed to be killed.

 They had grown up together, from the time Lexa had joined the _natblidas_ as a young child. Costia had been there since day one, as they dragged Lexa into Polis, screaming, crying and flailing all of her limbs trying to get back to the safety of home.

 

**

 

Costia watched the screaming girl with curious brown eyes, too big for her small head. She followed them silently, hanging back and trailing her fingers along the wall. The scouts dragged Lexa to the small shelter the _natblidas_ learned to call home, and locked her in a room by herself to calm down.

 Costia’s big brown eyes popped up in the window a while later, framed by rounded cheeks and sun kissed brown curls. She peered in through the window at Lexa’s small curled frame, where she rocked herself in the middle of the floor, face buried in her knees, watching for a while before finally speaking up.

 “Hey," she called softly. 

When Lexa didn’t turn to her she called again, a little louder, but Lexa still didn’t respond. Costia boosted herself up, grunting a little as she pulled herself up over the high ledge and swung her legs into the room to drop down inside. She padded over to sit in front of Lexa, pulling her knees up to her chest to rest her chin on them, studying Lexa without a word.

“I’m Costia," she offered after a while, when Lexa’s rocking had slowed to more of a rhythmic sway.

Lexa finally lifted her head, looking quite surprised to see someone in the room. She looked to the locked door first, before turning to take in the rest of the room. A small bed sat in the corner to the right, with a desk and a chair to the left. The room was meant for one person, and she could have sworn she was alone when they had locked her in here. 

“I came in the window.” Costia gestured behind Lexa, who craned her little body all the way around to see where she was pointing.

Lexa nodded and turned back, propping her chin up on her knees like Costia, and the two young girls stared silently into each other’s eyes.

Lexa thought that Costia felt safe for some reason. Her eyes were gentle, calm, and unexpecting. They were a dark brown, flecked with orange and black. So different from her mother’s deep green that Lexa was used to, but equally comforting.

“It’s not so bad here. There are other kids like you. You get to learn how to fight and be in charge. I’m not allowed to practice with them, but if I keep out of the way, sometimes the trainers let me stay and watch. Sometimes _Heda_ even comes too!”

Lexa shrugged and kept staring at her.

“When you’re not busy we can go to the forest and I can show you all the best trees to climb. _Nomi_ can take us to the river and we can swim when it’s hot out. Maybe sometimes you can even come for dinner.”

Lexa pulled her gaze away, dropping it to the floor and turning to press her cheek into the point of her knee.

“I don’t know how to swim,” Lexa admitted, barely more than a whisper.

“I’ll teach you,” Costia assured. “It’s going to be okay.”

 

**

 

Lexa pulled herself from the memory. This was different, she tried to convince herself. Clarke hadn’t been captured by Nia, she had just gone back to her people. This was duty, not torture. There was still the chance of _maybe someday_. The air was damp and hot under all the furs, clouding and stifling in her lungs. She squeezed her eyes shut tight one last time before flipping them off her face and taking in a deep breath of fresh air.

She stood and moved to her wardrobe, pulling out warm socks and a more comfortable shirt for the long ride to Arkadia. Lexa changed into them quickly, before moving to her door and gesturing for her handmaiden, Sura, to enter to braid her hair into the comfortable style that kept it out of her face. It felt silly, spending time having her hair done while her armies were already marching to Arkadia, but it was an important preparation in her culture. She had to admit that she enjoyed the process anyways, the gentle tugging at her scalp was grounding, and having her hair pulled tight and secure helped her to feel focused and comfortable.

Sura worked quickly, brushing through tangles and twisting strands into braids and woven bundles in a matter of minutes. She then mixed up a small bowl of kohl, applying the thick paste around Lexa’s eyes before thinning it out to draw dark streaks down her cheeks. When she finished she brought over Lexa’s coat, helping lift it onto Lexa’s arms before rushing off to gather up her weapons and armour.

Lexa sighed as she clipped up the last buckle of her long coat. She brushed her fingers across the soft tufts of fur poking out the front as she dropped her hands down to her sides. Sura brought her armour up behind her and settled it onto her shoulder. Lexa fastened the sturdy buckle while Sura draped the long red velvet sash up over Lexa’s head and clipped her scabbard to her back.

“ _Gouthru klir, Heda._ ” Sura clasped her forearm firmly.

“ _Mochof._ I will see you in camp later.”

Sura ducked her head in acknowledgement and then rushed off to go and help with the rest of the preparations.

Lexa looked around her room one last time, pausing on the easel in the corner that Clarke hadn’t even had the chance to use yet. _Maybe someday,_ she thought, finally stepping reluctantly out of the room.

She rode the small, man powered lift alone, feeling her heart still sinking with each passing floor, bobbing on her toes impatiently. The long, slow ride down made her feel anxious and claustrophobic, as it always did when she was headed into conflict. It wasn't the waiting that bothered her so much as the fact that she was confined from reacting to anything that might happen outside the lift. Usually when conflict required waiting she was still at the ready, waiting for the cue to leap into action. Stuck in the lift though, she didn't have that luxury.

Finally the lift reached the ground and two guards met her as the doors opened, falling in to flank her on either side. Shoulders held high, the trio headed for the stables in silence.

Though it was late and darkness had long since fallen on the city, the streets were still very active. Tonight was different than the typical night life however, instead of music and catcalls, there was hushed chatter punctuated by occasional shouts and fist falls. Tension was running high in the city, people we angry, or scared, many were both. Combined with the decreased presence of the guard, due to the majority moving to the blockade, there was not much left to keep the people in check.

Lexa wanted to step in and break up the fist fights as they passed dimly lit corners, but she had larger matters to attend to right now. Conveniently, her presence as she passed through the streets was enough to snap some people out of their rage. Some of the quieter groups, huddled up with worried expressions, seemed reassured by the sight of her. As though seeing her reminded them that she had this situation under control.

Not that she really did. She felt as though she was grasping at straws at this point. The whole situation with Pike was such a mess. Just when she thought they had finally secured peace for the coalition he came and tore it away. She took a deep breath, steeling her eyes to the path ahead of her, willing herself to believe that with her and Clarke working together, they could find a viable solution.

When they finally reached the stables, Lexa allowed her shoulders to drop slightly, relaxing into the comfortable smell of the horses. She grabbed her tacking from the wall and moved to prepare her favourite white mare for the ride. She draped the saddle over the gate and rubbed gentle circles into the warm velvety nose, whispering quietly to the horse as she slipped the bridle over her head and fastened it securely. Moving around to her side, Lexa scratched firmly under the longer hairs up across her back before grabbing the brush to groom the soft fur. Her mind wandered back to that first day with Costia.

 

**

 

“Come on, I have something to show you.” Costia urged, after Lexa had calmed down a bit more, finally uncurling from the tight ball of limbs she had wound herself into.

Costia reached her hand out to Lexa.

Lexa simply looked at it, blinking a couple of times, not sure if she could really get her body to move yet.

Costia just waited, putting out her other hand to help Lexa up, but not pressuring or forcing her in any way.

Lexa took a deep breath and, squeezing her eyes shut tight, reached out and put each of her cold palms into Costia’s warm ones, wrapping her fingers around her lightly.

Costia gripped her wrists and pulled hard, bringing Lexa up to stand. She was surprisingly light for how tall she was, and Costia staggered backwards a bit when Lexa moved so easily. She giggled and threaded her fingers through Lexa’s and pulled her over to the window.

Lexa paused at the sill, eyes wide and panicked.

“Don’t worry,” Costia assured her. “They don’t really care if you leave your room. They only locked it so you wouldn’t try to go running home. As long as we stay in Polis you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Lexa nodded tentatively, eyes still wide, flicking back to the door before following Costia out the window.

Costia ran through the streets, dragging Lexa around by their entwined fingers. She had grown up in Polis and knew the city well, navigating it with ease. Lexa had no idea where they were going, or which way they had come, and just followed along hoping that Costia could get them back before anyone had to come searching for her.

Costia finally slowed as they reached the edge of the city. There were fewer people, less noise, and the air smelled different here, more like home to Lexa. She could smell grass and horses and familiar smells of cooking, like the meals her parents used to prepare. Lexa immediately felt some of the tension ease from her chest, glad to learn that the whole city wasn’t so stifling and loud as it was in the centre.

They turned a corner and the stables came into view and Lexa’s face immediately lit up. The stables had been one of her favourite places back home. If she wasn’t off running through the woods she could often be found there, working alongside her father. Her favourite was to brush the horses, standing on the top step of her stool and reaching her arms as far along the backs and sides with the brush as she could manage. She especially loved how smooth and shiny the horses would be after.

Costia smiled at Lexa, who had stopped in her tracks the moment they had turned the corner. At first she had been worried Lexa was scared, or upset, but when she turned around she saw a genuine smile spread all the way across her face. She was even more excited to show Lexa what was inside now. She gave a little tug and Lexa started to move forwards again, never taking her eyes off the stables.

They got to the doors and pushed them open, both of them heaving together with their full body weight just to get the heavy doors to move. Sunlight streamed in through the open doors, casting a warm yellow glow across the floor and causing dust to sparkle in the air. Lexa waved her fingers through the air, watching the speckles shift and flow around her hand.

“This way,” Costia whispered, guiding Lexa over to a stall at the end of the barn.

A beam of sunlight shone through a small open window, radiating warm, yellow light onto a tiny, curled, white foal. Lexa’s wide eyes fixated on the small bundle, complete reverence in her expression.

“She was born this morning,” Costia breathed. “My _noni_ had to help her. She got stuck and her _nomon_ got really sick. _Noni_ and the others pulled her out, but it took three of them and there was a lot of blood. Noni tried to give her medicine but the bleeding wouldn’t stop.”

Lexa turned wide eyes to look at Costia.

“She’s all alone now. Sort of like you.”

Lexa flicked her gaze back to the tiny white foal.

“Can I touch her?” Lexa asked, voice barely a whisper.

“Yeah, if she’ll let you. She’s nervous though. We could probably feed her if I ask _noni_. Wait here.”

Lexa nodded, her tiny fingers wrapping around the corner of the stall as Costia hurried off to find her father.

Lexa intended to stay attached to the post, not wanting to stress the foal, but somehow her feet moved without her asking them to. She ended up crouched next to the tiny white creature before she even realized she had moved. Lexa kept her hands on her knees, but the foal lifted her sleepy head to peer at the small, quiet girl who had shuffled up beside her. The foal looked her over with a cautious but curious blue eye, and Lexa just squatted with her mouth hanging open, staring back at her.

The foal leaned out, bumping her velvety nose into Lexa’s knuckles. Lexa gasped, then chuckled, reaching her hand out to tentatively stroke the soft face, rubbing along her cheeks and nose. The foal pulled Lexa’s fingers into her mouth, wrapping her tongue around them and trying to suckle. Lexa giggled at the slippery tongue and gums kneading gently around her knuckles.

“See, she’s hungry.” Costia came up behind her. “She likes you. I got some milk to give her.”

Lexa turned as Costia pressed a warm drinking bladder against her arm. Taking it with a grin, she slipped the nipple into the foal’s mouth in place of her fingers. The foal stood up, sucking so hard the bladder was almost tugged right out of Lexa’s hands. Lexa clamped down on it harder and Costia laughed from behind her. The foal drained the bladder quickly, some of the milk dripping out of her lips onto the hay below.

Costia took the bladder from Lexa when she was done and returned it to her father before climbing up to sit on top of the stall. The foal had settled back into the hay and was nudging her head demandingly into Lexa’s chest where she knelt beside her, nipping and tugging at Lexa’s clothes.

Lexa scratched the foals ears and pulled her shirt back out of the foal’s mouth for the sixth time, finally giving up with an enthusiastic huff and wrapping her arms tightly around the foal’s neck. She curled up against her side and the foal, finally content, rested her head on top of Lexa’s small frame.

“ _Keryon,_ ” Costia declared from her perch. “That’s what we’ll call her.”

Lexa turned, scrunching up her nose at the name. She thought it was a silly name, especially for a white horse.

“ _Keryon_ ,” Costia continued, “because she chose you, just like _Heda_ will.”

Lexa snorted, but Costia looked so sincere, peering at the both of them with her big brown eyes that Lexa couldn’t laugh.

“ _Keryon,_ ” Lexa repeated, testing the name on her tongue.

The foal gave a little huff and nuzzled her chin tighter against Lexa.

Lexa nodded her agreement and turned up to smile at Costia, who smiled right back, swinging her feet against the fence.

 

**

 

Lexa finished brushing down Keryon and ran her hands carefully over the mare’s body before flipping the soft riding blanket over her back. She lifted the saddle into place and buckled it on, tugging to make sure it was all well secured then took the reins and led Keryon out of the stables to wait for her company.

Lexa leaned against the horse lightly to feel the gentle rise and fall of the massive chest against her shoulder, closing her eyes and matching her own breath to the calm, rhythmic pattern. The guards appeared moments later and they all mounted in unison, Lexa expertly stepping into the stirrup and swinging a long leg over to seat herself in the saddle.

She shifted her weight as the Keryon began to walk, her own movements melding seamlessly with the white mare’s. She had been riding as long as she could remember, her father seating her in front of him on his own horse before she could even properly sit upright, secure between his well muscled arms. Riding, especially Keryon, felt like home. Comfortable, natural.

  
Lexa and the two guards rode out of the city, breaking into a steady gallop as soon as they were through the gates. The moon was already dropping low in the sky, and so they moved quickly, trying to close the distance to the blockade before the sun was able to peek over the mountains.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We go back to Clarke and the gang in Arkadia where plans are a-brewin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the longest one so far, I hope you enjoy it! The action is finally starting to pick up. Thanks to @jskye429 for beta-ing the first few pages of this chapter! Apologies for any mistakes etc that remain further along.  
> Feedback is always appreciated!

Octavia paced the small room, moving from one side to the other in a matter of steps before turning on her heel and storming back the way she came. Her tension filled the tight space, causing the knot in Clarke's stomach to grow, strangling her thoughts.

“We're screwed. They're never going to turn on Pike,” Octavia growled. “They’re scared and he has them all wrapped around his finger.”

“Not everyone,” Monty offered. “There are a few of us left…”

“That's not going to be good enough. Pike has guards on him at all times. We can't even get close to him, let alone turn him over to the grounders. Not unless we can get someone on the inside,” Clarke reasoned.

Monty sighed. “Who is going to help us then? There’s none of us left on the inside. Pike was already wary of me, and now that I've helped you two, well, there goes that chance.”

“What about Miller? He’s still a guard, yeah?” Octavia questioned. “ He helped Lincoln.”

“Pike doesn’t trust him either. He's been keeping him on the outside. Anyone who has associated with us is kept out of the loop. He doesn’t trust any of us. There's no one.”

“Well he does trust Bell…”

“Clarke, we can't.” A scowl spread across Octavia’s face. “Bellamy is gone. You know what happened the last time we tried to trust him. It's no use.”

“He pulled through for us at Mount Weather, he has to be able to do it again. Octavia, he couldn't just turn on us like this, not when it really matters. We need someone, and he's our best bet.”

“He’s not. He blew it Clarke. You know as well as I do. Don't try to fool yourself into believing he can change. We can't waste time on false hope. There has to be something else.”

“Well then what?” Clarke's voice cracked slightly, breaking under the weight of her responsibility.

“I don’t know, but Bellamy is not the answer. Maybe Lincoln--”

The door swung open before she could continue, the guards from earlier barging in with their guns held ready.

“Pike is ready to see you.”

The guard motioned with his gun for the three of them to move ahead of him. The guards stationed outside the door led them to Pike’s office, where the door buzzed open and they were quickly ushered inside.

Pike stood in front of his desk, arms crossed tightly across his puffed up chest. Cold, hard, eyes flicked between each of the three teens. His lips pursed tightly as he ordered the guards out of the room with a growl.

“What have you done?” Pike demanded, ice punctuating each word.

“What have _I_ done?” Clarke scowled in return. “I’m not the one who went and murdered three hundred peaceful grounders sent to protect me. I’m not the one who tried to raze a village to make room for crops. I’m not the one who destroyed our only chance at peace. That’s on you, Pike. None of this would have happened if it weren’t for you.” Her fists were clenched at her sides, the muscles in her shoulders pulled tight as anger squeezed at her lungs, drawing in deep breaths that almost growled in her throat.

Pike failed to conceal a slight flinch at the anger in Clarke’s words, quickly covering it up by shifting his hand to the grip of the gun in his holster, pressing the cool metal into his palm. His eyebrows furrowed tightly before one cocked up in accusation.

“None of it? How about all of your friends that the grounders murdered before I got here to protect you? You have been in a war that you don’t know how to end since you got to the ground. I’m trying to end it. I’m trying to give us a chance at survival. A chance that you clearly couldn’t give us.”

“We _had_ peace. Lexa accepted us into the coalition and defeated the Ice Queen to make sure no one would oppose it. We were on our way to deliver her body, to answer for the deaths of all of those from Farm Station, to settle the peace Lexa and I created together... when you ruined any chance of that happening.” Clarke stepped forward, her eyes boring holes into Pike’s, fists clenched and face red with anger.

Pike opened his mouth to speak, but Clarke cut him off before he could say anything.

“Don’t you dare try to blame this on me. Lexa and I are the reason Arkadia is even still standing. She could have burned it to the ground, along with everyone inside, but she didn’t. We’re trying to make peace possible but you keep adding fuel to the anger of the clans with every moment you lead. This blockade has nothing to do with any mistakes I’ve made, and everything to do with _your_ brutal disrespect for humanity.”

“I’ve done what is necessary to keep my people safe. I’m here to protect them, provide for them, be someone they can trust. That’s not going to happen if I let the grounders walk all over us like you did. We’ve lost too many as it is, I am not letting the grounders get close enough to take any more. They don’t want peace. I refuse to fall into that trap.”

“All you’ve done is ruin any chance at saving anyone,” Clarke spat back.

“And all you’ve done is make a fool of yourself,” Pike fixed his eyes on Clarke’s. “Guards!”

The door opened and a guard stepped around the corner, looking to Pike for direction.

“Take them to lock up. I want them out of my sight.”

The guards moved to escort the three delinquents out of the room, jostling them down the long halls to lock up.

 

\--

 

“Octavia?” Lincoln’s voice carried across the crowded cell.

“Lincoln!” Octavia rushed over to him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

“What's going on? The Commander isn’t attacking? What did she say?” The questions poured from Lincoln’s mouth as he worked to maintain his usual calm demeanour.

Octavia and Clarke filled him in on the details, the other grounders who knew English gathering around them to listen in. The hairs on the back of their necks bristled when they learned of what Pike had done. Those that had any strength clenched fists and stood indignantly, ready to tear the man apart with bare hands.

When Clarke got to explaining the blockade many of the grounders nodded in agreement, pleased with the decisions. They had spent some time in Arkadia, received kindness, food, and medical attention before Pike had taken power, they knew that not all of the sky people were tyrannical. They had witnessed first hand the humanity on both sides, some had even grown to like the sky people who had helped care for them. They knew better than most that it was Pike who was the main problem. Without his heavy handed leadership the people would fall in line. They could learn to trust and coexist.

“So how are we going to get Pike to the blockade? The people trust him. They're scared. They're not going to give him up easily.”

“If they don't give him up we will take him ourselves.” A tall grounder with broad shoulders and a thick braided beard chimed in.

Murmurs of agreement spread through the small group, mixing with the shuddered breaths and dry coughs coming from the sickest.

“There are not enough of us,” A smaller, grey haired woman countered. “Many of us are still too sick to move more than a few paces. Pike has guards and guns, and there's no way out of this cell. It's just not feasible.”

“You're right,” Clarke agreed. “I'm not having any of you risk your lives in this mess. You've dealt with enough. Pike is not your responsibility. I have to come up with something else.”

Lincoln reached out, placing his hand on Clarke's arm.

We will figure it out together,” he corrected.

Clarke turned to him and nodded with a small, grateful smile.

Lincoln motioned for them to take a seat and they readily obliged.

Letting herself sink down against the wall, muscles stiff and aching from the ride, Clarke finally realized how exhausted she was. She hadn't slept in over 24 hours. Not even when Lexa had napped. Her mind had refused to quiet while they laid together, strung up on the gravity of the situation. Of being in bed with Lexa, what it meant to forgive her, what it mean to love someone on the opposite side of a war. The relief and fear of finally allowing herself to trust again conflicting with the reality of their positions. Not to mention the fact that she didn’t want to take her eyes off of Lexa for even one moment of the hour they had.

Clarke blinked hard, fending off the sting that lingered there. They had to find a way out of this.

“Well there’s not much we can do right now,” Monty said, noticing the fatigue that had set into Clarke and Octavia where she leaned into Lincoln. “Everyone should be safe for now. We’ve got some time. Let’s take a break and we can think it over after some rest.”

Clarke opened her mouth to object, but Monty fixed her with one of his pleading looks that almost no one could object to, and Clarke was running out of energy to fight it. She thought back on her time with Lexa before taking Mount Weather, about what Lexa had said about how _tiring yourself with questions already asked and answered is a waste of energy_. Monty was right, their options were limited from inside the cell, and getting some sleep was becoming ever more necessary.

“Monty’s right. You two get some rest, we’ll keep track of any changes and wake you if anything urgent comes up. You need to sleep.”

Clarke and Octavia begrudgingly agreed and settled in on the cots in the corner, falling asleep quicker than either of them had expected.

 

~~

 

Clarke's dreams were plagued with visions of swords and arrows and fire, blood and burned flesh. Pike stood with guns against the grounders, Lexa atop her horse at the peak of the ridge, her army clad in dark armour and masks stretching out to either side of her.

Then Raven, smiling, delusional, oblivious, wandered out between them. Her smile stretched across her face, and she threw her head back to laugh at the sky as she walked ever closer to the boundary.

Clarke cried out, tried to warn her. She begged her to come back but Raven only turned and fixed her with that unnerving synthetic smile for a moment before continuing forward.

Clarke rushed towards her, wrestling her way through layer upon layer of Pike’s armed guards. For each guard she clawed her way past, another would appear in front of her, blocking the path to Raven. She could see her approaching the ridge and Lexa raising a hand to stop her. But Raven wouldn't stop. Warriors raised bows and pointed them directly at her heart and still she did not stop.

Clarke cried out one last time, scrambling her way forward and finally breaking through the last line of guards. She stumbled to the ground, jacket snagging on the armoured guards that had been encircling her a moment earlier. Dust in her face and blood on her knees she looked up just in time to see Lexa’s hand drop. A single arrow arced from the warrior to her left, flying true and landing straight through the middle of Raven’s chest.

Raven staggered, fingers moving to feel the blood leaking from the arrow that pierced her heart. Confusion flickered across her eyes but the plastic smile remained. She looked back to Lexa “ _why?”_ curling off her tongue before another arrow sailed to join the first.

A scream ripped out of Clarke’s throat, chest aching as though the arrow had struck her as well. Her voice cracked and tears streamed from her eyes, falling to the dirt where they pooled red as blood.

The pool of blood grew and spread, trickling across her hands, soaking up her sleeves before seeping into the legs of her pants. Clarke pulled back, frantically wiping the blood from her hands but it continued to spread. Everything she touched became soaked with fresh spots of blood until she was soaked in it.

It dripped from her hair, from her clothes. Streams of blood rolled down her throat choking her and she sputtered and coughed, blood spraying from her mouth and dripping down her chin.

She couldn't breathe. She couldn't move. Raven was sprawled across the ground in a growing pool of her own blood. And Lexa stood above her, face painted and blank, looking down from where she sat on the back of her pure white mare, braids trailing behind her as she turned her eyes to Clarke and watched her drown.

 

~~

 

Clarke gasped awake, sucking in rattling breaths. She was damp with sweat and her hair clung to her skin. She clawed at the hairs sticking to her neck, feeling like she was still being strangled and wiped away beads of sweat trying to shake the feeling of blood.

Lincoln watched quietly from where he stood with Monty, who was looking at her with concern etched into his face. Looking around the room Clarke found many others staring at her with mixed expressions. Some were curious, others looked alarmed, and others turned away avoiding her gaze, not wanting to offend.

She looked back to Monty who offered her a sympathetic look.

“What happened?” he asked. “You kind of... Well, you screamed. Pretty loud.”

Clarke swallowed, understanding why everyone had been looking at her.

“Rav-” she paused “...nothing. It was just a dream.”

Monty looked skeptical but decided to drop the subject with a purse of his lips.

“How long was I out for?”

“A few hours. You didn't miss much. Just periodic announcements reminding people to stay at camp and assuring everyone they are handling the situation. The guards have dropped off a few people who were being pretty persistent in trying to get through the gates. Putting them in lock up for their own protection I guess. They're some of Jaha’s. They've been begging with the guards since they arrived saying how they have to give ‘the key’ to the grounders because there is no pain in the City of Light. Nothing new really.”

Clarke glanced up and sure enough, a small group of people, a couple holding hands and another older man, were crowded against the bars of the cell, pleading quietly with the guards to let them go. She shook her head, she didn't know much about what was going on with Jaha and those keys but it made her uncomfortable. What did they think they were going to accomplish by walking up to the blockade? They were just going to get themselves killed. _Just like Raven_ she thought.

“What does the key do?” Clarke asked, pulling herself from the vision of Raven.

“We're not really sure yet, but Jaha says it takes away your pain. It's the key to the City of Light, which he can apparently see when he closes his eyes. He's been carrying around a backpack and he won't let anyone who hasn’t taken the key touch it.” Monty paused, eyes glancing down to his hands before bringing them back up to meet Clarke’s. “Abby said it makes you forget too. Jaha forgot about his own son. He had no idea what she was talking about when she brought him up.”

“Yeah, she mentioned that. She’s got most of the keys now at least. How is Raven doing? Have you seen her?”

“She seemed alright at first. Just finally happy and confident again, which was nice but it didn't make sense. I haven't seen her recently, but just before you showed up Jasper had come to find me. He had been talking with her, and apparently she’s forgotten Finn completely. So I guess it gets stronger the longer it's in you.”

“Can she still fix anything you can throw at her?”

“I think so? She was helping Sinclair and I in electrical up until a couple days ago. She sort of took off suddenly and said there was something she had to do and I haven't seen her since.”

Clarke’s brow pulled tight. “We have to figure out a way to reverse it. We can't lose Raven. Not after all we’ve been through.”

“We’ll find a way. Your mom’s working on it. She's the best doctor out there. If anyone can do it it's Abby.”

“Yeah…” Clarke's voice trailed off and she stared, eyes unfocused at the group by the doors, losing herself in cloudy muddled thoughts of what they had lost, and what was still at stake.

“ _...they just need to know that in the City of Light there’s no need to fight. The City of Light has enough for everyone.”_

Words filtered in through Clarke’s ears.

 _“Alie watches over us all. There's no pain, no fighting, only Light. We need you to let us show them. We can stop this all. Once they see they will understand._ ”

The words pulled her from her haze. _No pain… Enough for everyone_ … Her eyes snapped into focus on the small group of prisoners pleading with the guards, her eyebrows pulling up.

“I might… I might have an idea how we can fix this.” Clarke ushered the group to come nearer, speaking quiet enough that only Octavia, Lincoln, and Monty could hear.

They turned to her, surprise and confusion written in their expressions as they moved to huddle around her.

Clarke took a breath, taking a moment to think about the words she had just heard again, glancing quickly back at the chipped prisoners.

“So we know those keys take away your pain, and make you forget the people you've lost, right? What if… What if we gave them back to Jaha.”

Monty’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, before his lips pulled tight into a look of confusion and concern.

“Clarke, we can't! You haven’t seen Raven. We can't risk any more people getting a hold of a chip.”

“That's the thing though.” Clarke met his eyes, gesturing to the chipped prisoners by the gate. “We _need_ people to take the chip.”

Monty stared at her, following the movement of her arm his eyes narrowed further when they fell on the prisoners.

"It's risky, I know. But if we chip as many people as we can, they’ll stop being scared.” She paused, glancing between each of her friends, reading their concerned looks. “If they’re not scared they don't need Pike anymore. If they forget everyone they've lost on the ground they won't know why Pike is pushing to stand against the grounders, because they won't remember the fighting. The key makes you forget the things that make you suffer, and without suffering fear mongering loses its influence.”

Clarke watched as understanding flashed across each of their faces, quickly replaced by concern again a moment later. Octavia’s mouth pulled into a defiant scowl, her brows deeply furrowed and her fists clenching tightly.

“Clarke, we can't do that. It's inhumane. We can't drug these people and take away their memories… their lives.” she cut in, voice cracking as she whispered through her teeth. “We can’t take away their freedom. I can't…”

Lincoln placed a reassuring hand on her knee and Octavia gripped onto it, trying to ground herself to his touch. Since birth she had known all too well what it was like to live under the control of another.

Clarke sighed, pressing fingers into her knotted forehead as her eyes fell to her lap.

“Octavia, I know. I _know_ it's bad. But is it worse than having us all killed?” Her eyes locked with Octavia’s. “The grounders could wipe us out in a moment, and if Pike doesn't stop fighting, Lexa will have no choice.”

Tense silence filled the space between the small group of delinquents. Octavia could feel her insides twisting as she worked to process Clarke’s words, but didn’t back down from the pained glare she sent Clarke.

Lincoln finally spoke, first giving Octavia another reassuring squeeze. “Clarke is right, the Commander is going to have to do whatever it takes to keep her people safe. If you want to keep your people safe too you're going to have to work something out,” he turned soft eyes to Octavia, brushing stray hairs behind her ear. “Clarke’s plan may be harsh, but it also may work.”

Octavia flinched at his touch, still not pulling her eyes from Clarke’s.

“Clarke, we still don’t even know what it does. We don’t know how to reverse it, and may never find a way. We can’t force that on people,” Monty warned.

“But what if we don't need to,” Clarke turned to Monty, her eyes pleading for him to understand. “Jaha’s numbers have been growing on their own. We just have to let him continue. The more people who take it, the faster it spreads if we just let it happen. If my mom says it's safe the people will listen to her.”

“Clarke we can't lie to people.” Octavia's eyes were full of fire and hurt.

“It's not lying if we can find a way to reverse it. We could get everyone back after. My mom can keep working on it and figure out how it works and how to stop it.”

“And what if she can't? What if she can get it out, but the memories are still gone. It's too dangerous Clarke. I can't let you ruin so many lives on a chance.”

“Well then what should we do, Octavia? What else can we do? There are no other options.” Clarke’s voice was riddled with exasperation. “We're locked up, we've got hardly anyone left who aren't already corrupted by Pike or Jaha. We’ll get ourselves killed if we try to do anything on our own, and if Pike stays in power then the grounders are going to kill all of us. Do you have a better idea?”

“I… It's just… I've been trying to keep everyone safe for so long. Grounders and sky people. I don't want to make things worse. I don’t want to hurt people. I don’t want people to… to go through...what I went through.” Octavia said, some of the fire fading from her voice as a lump caught in her throat.

“I know, O,” the corner of her mouth tilting up in a sympathetic half smile. “Me neither. But doing nothing isn't going to help anyone. We have to try something.”

Octavia held her gaze, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes before she finally nodded, swallowing hard and gripping tighter around Lincoln’s hand.

Clarke could see his fingertips turning pink from the lack of circulation. She returned Octavia’s look, tipping her lips into a reluctant smile, she didn’t want to have to do this either. But at least this way her people wouldn’t die.

“So… how are we going to tell Abby? We can’t exactly walk out of here.” Monty pointed out as the tension began to settle.

“Miller is still on guard rotation so he could probably deliver a message,” Lincoln suggested.

“My mom isn’t going to agree without an explanation. I’ve got to tell her directly or it’s not going to work.”

“We get Miller to ask her to come then?”

“I doubt Pike is going to let that happen. She could try, but I have a feeling the guards aren’t going to let her anywhere near me,” her brow furrowed in concentration as she thought. “We’re going to need a medical emergency to get anywhere near her, and it can’t be one of us because Pike will see right through that.”

“Maybe we could do something to one of those City of Light people?” Monty suggested.

“Monty, no,” Octavia objected quickly. “We’re not doing anything to them.”

“But who else in here is Pike going to care about enough to send Abby?”

“Pike doesn’t have to care. If Abby thinks someone is in danger she will fight to help them. As long as Pike doesn’t think it’s part of our plan he’s got bigger things to worry about than who Abby is healing right now.” Lincoln glanced around the crowded cell, eyes scanning across the prisoners and then to the guards outside before he continued. “Let me talk to Denae, she hasn’t been getting much better and could use some stronger antibiotics to begin with. I have an idea.”

Without waiting for a response, Lincoln moved across the room and crouched down close to Denae, whispering something to her in trigedasleng. She nodded along, looking concerned and questioning him further. Slowly her expression shifted from worry to the hardened resolve characteristic of a warrior.

Lincoln gripped her forearm and pressed his forehead to hers in thanks before he stood and moved to speak with Nyko, who had a similar reaction to Denae.

Flicking his gaze to the guards to make sure they were still preoccupied with the smiling sky people, Nyko bent and fished two small vials from a pouch hidden in the fur covering his thigh. He handed one to Lincoln and tucked the other into his sleeve.

Lincoln thanked him and crossed back to Denae, smoothing hairs back from her sweat damp brow. He stealthily tipped the vial to her lips and she swallowed a small sip. Giving her hand a quick squeeze, Lincoln stepped away, moving quietly back to the group of sky people.

“What did you just give her?”

“Poison.”

All of the delinquents snapped their attention to him, eyebrows shooting up in horror.

“Just enough to make her vomit a couple times, then Nyko has the antidote,” Lincoln answered calmly. “We need to get Abby here, and she’s not going to sit back if she thinks someone is dying. Denae is happy to do this for us. She knows the risks, but she also knows that without the sky people she probably would have died long ago. She wants to do what she can to help you fix this -- for all of us.”

Monty remained shocked, but after a moment Clarke and Octavia’s expressions relaxed and they simply nodded and thanked him, shooting appreciative looks to Denae where she lay cringing in pain as the poison passed into her stomach. They both understood that grounders had been raised with certain values. They were not afraid if it meant helping their people, no matter the cost. So instead of being angry, they allowed themselves to be grateful for the help.

A few minutes passed before Denae began to cough, weak and shallow at first. As the minutes wore on her coughs became hacking, and it began to sound as though she was going to choke, her lungs unable to suck in air. The guards stationed at the doors shot her a daring look, as if intimidation would make her stop.

Tension built across the whole room as the violent coughing continued. Nyko moved over to her side and began to check her pulse and feel for her temperature. He shot a concerned look at the guards, who still stood glaring from the other side of the bars.

“Please, she need medicine.”

The guards sneered but did not move.

Nyko turned back to Denae just in time to see her roll herself onto her side before her stomach heaved. It was a dry retch at first, but the heaving continued and moments later a rush of blood poured from her lips, painting the cot where she lay and dripping over the edge to the floor.

Though Clarke had known about the poison, her body still reacted instinctively to the scene before her. She dashed forward and lifted Denae’s arm, bracing her body so she could lay sideways without effort.

“GO GET ABBY!” She screamed at the two guards who had finally lost the goading sneers, replaced by looks of horror and disgust.

Their eyes snapped to Clarke and she screamed at them to get help one more time before one of them quickly took off to the medical bay, and the other reached for his radio, hailing for Abby and rattling off some codes for a medical emergency in lock up with one of the grounders.

A response came back highlighting that no medical supplies were to be used on the grounders. The guard acknowledged that but said this was serious and explained the coughing and blood. The voice on the other end simply repeated Pike’s orders. The guard gave up, returning the radio to his belt with shaky hands and glancing back to Denae before turning away. His shoulders lifted and he crossed his arms in front of him, his eyes trained forward.

Nyko took the opportunity and quickly slipped the antidote from his sleeve to press it to her lips. She swallowed down as much as she could, holding back her clenching stomach as tightly as possible. Nyko whispered soothing words to her urging her to let the antidote have time to work. She nodded in assurance and ducked her head, gripping a hand to her abdomen. Her body tensed and convulsed slightly but she managed to keep it down.

They soon heard footsteps rushing down the hall one of which Clarke recognized to be her mother’s long before she appeared around the corner with the guard.

“Mom, she needs help!” A tear streaked from Clarke's eye, but her voice remained strong.

“Open the door,” Abby demanded, and the guard quickly obliged, simply reacting to the direction. He was too stunned to think and completely forgot the orders he had just been given over the radio.

Abby rushed in and set her medical bag down on an adjacent cot, surveying the scene with keen eyes.

“What happened here?”

“I don't know, mom. She just started coughing and couldn't stop and then…” Clarke gestured at the blood coating the cot and still dripping to the floor. “We tried to help her but we have nothing.”

Abby bent down, a puzzled expression moving onto her face as she began to measure Denae’s vitals, listening to her lungs and asking if she was experiencing any pain.

“This doesn't seem to be part of the infection, she’s been making slow improvements and this is uncharacteristic. She must have caught something secondary I'm going to have to run some tests. She’ll have to come to the medical bay with me.”

“Mom, wait,” Clarke interrupted before lowering her voice. “She’ll be fine. It was poison. Nyko already gave her the antidote. We needed to see you.”

Abby’s eyes pulled wide with horror.

“Clarke! You can't do that! Do you have any idea how dangerous--” she tried to keep her voice quiet, hissing at Clarke through her teeth.

Denae reached out and clasped Abby’s fingers. Conviction glowing in her eyes.

“My choice,” She said, her accent thick. “Skaikru help me, I help skaikru.”

Confusion flickered across Abby’s face before she gave a subtle nod and squeezed Denae's hand, turning to shoot a glare at Clarke for allowing this to happen.

“That was not a wise thing to do,” she looked pointedly at Denae, “but thank you. It must be important then if you couldn't just send a message. What is it Clarke?”

Abby continued to work while Clarke explained the plan, getting her to help hold an IV bag as she hooked it up to Denae’s arm. She didn't comment until Clarke was finished explaining. Only interrupting periodically to ask Denae about any symptoms, or check with Nyko about the poison and antidote she had been given before deciding to hold off on any of her medications for now in case of an interaction. The antidote had worked quickly anyways and only a weak cough remained, so her concern had subsided.

“So you want me to lie?”

“Well, no, not exactly. I just need you to give them back to Jaha. You don't have to say they are safe yet, just that you have seen how they can help people and think it's worth the risk. Keep a few for further testing though because we need to figure out a way to reverse it. If people are feeling desperate enough they won't care if it's safe or not, clearly so far people have seen the opportunity and taken it. We just need to leave that opportunity available, Jaha and his people are all the convincing we need.”

“And what if we can't reverse it?”

“I don't know mom, but we have to try. We brought the reapers back, maybe we can bring these people back.”

“Clarke, the reapers were drugged. This isn't a drug, it's not the same. It doesn’t travel through the blood and it won't just leave your system over time.”

“I know but maybe there is a way. There has to be a way. We haven't even tried yet. What other choice do we have?”

“I don't know, Clarke. I'm going to have to think about this. I don't feel right about putting people in danger.”

“There’s no time to think about it, mom. We're all in danger already.”

Abby hardened her face and locked eyes with Clarke. “I’ll give you an answer tomorrow. Until then we wait. The grounders aren’t attacking, and Pike knows he doesn't have enough guards, even with guns, to win this time. You haven't seen what it does to people, Clarke. We can't do this lightly.”

“I’ve seen what it's done to them.” Clarke gestured at the small group by the door. “I know it's bad, but please?”

“Tomorrow.” Abby fixed Clarke with the look that meant she had made up her mind and would not discuss it further.

Clarke sighed, picking at her sleeve with her free hand. She looked down at Denae, who had closed her eyes and was resting with a pained expression.

“I have to tell Lexa.”

“Honey, no one can leave the camp.”

“We can send Indra. Give her one of the keys and tell her what’s happening. The grounders have been here a lot longer than us, maybe they’ve seen the keys before and will have an idea what to do. Even if they don’t, Lexa has to know we have a plan. We don’t know how long it’s going to take to sort this out, and if the grounders think we’re hiding Pike they’re not going to sit back forever.”

Abby looked hesitant.

“We can trust her. You know Indra, she’s too stubborn and skeptical of change to do anything with it. She’s the only one who can get close to Lexa.”

Abby closed her eyes and nodded. “Okay,” she conceded. “I’ll send Indra. But I’m still not giving any back to Jaha until I think about this. I will send you a message tomorrow. Check the bottle of Denae’s medication when it gets here.

Abby began to pack up her bag, using some gauze to clean up the blood as best she could.

“I’ll have someone send a towel so you can clean this properly,” she gestured to the mess before looking to the IV bag still held in Clarke’s hand, “and an IV pole if they will let me. Someone may just have to hold it though, they might consider it a weapon.”

Clarke nodded. “Mom?”

Abby turned to face her.

“Thank you.”

Abby gave a half smile and stepped towards Clarke, pulling her into a tight hug.

“ _We’ll figure it out._ ” She whispered as she clasped Clarke’s head against her cheek.

Abby felt Clarke nod and released her, turning to walk back out the door, pausing to give some instructions to the guards. She looked back at Clarke one last time, where she stood with the IV bag in her hand, looking exhausted and broken. Tears welled in both of their eyes as she walked away and Clarke had nothing left but to hope Indra could get the message to Lexa and her mother would make the right decision.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa waits at the blockade

Lexa sat atop her horse looking out over the ridge, the drab grey space station looming in the distance surrounded by small pillars of smoke. The rain had started just before dawn, slicking the trail and slowing the end of their journey. The sky was already beginning to lighten when she had finally reached the blockade. 

She hated being late. The Commander was not supposed to be late. Especially not now, not when Clarke -- Clarke’s  _ people _ were at stake. If anything happened because she wasn’t there to lead her army, she could never have forgiven herself.  She had intended to arrive well before dawn, before the sky started to shift from the deep black through to shades of navy and purple, long before the first yellow rays broke the horizon. Of course no one else really noticed that she was late. Half of the army considered dawn to be sunrise anyways, but Lexa knew otherwise.

Upon her arrival she had passed around to the leaders of each clan before moving to her position on the ridge. She spoke to each of them, asking for status updates, and reiterating that no one was to attack unless one of the skaikru moved beyond the five mile radius they had agreed upon. Most of the warriors had already arrived during the night, but some of the clans from farther away were still trickling in. The total count -- which Lexa had scratched into the edge of her saddle with charcoal as each of the leaders reported their numbers, taking time to add them all up carefully afterwards as she tended to get them all muddled if she tried to do it in her head -- came to over a thousand. Almost as many as they had at Mount Weather just a few months ago. 

It felt like a lifetime ago now.

There wasn’t much to do while they waited, and Lexa began to stew in her thoughts. She knew not to think about all the plans and possibilities of what could happen with the blockade. Honestly, she didn’t even really need to try keep those thoughts at bay because her mind was busy being flooded with images of Clarke instead, running through each encounter from the beginning. 

Clarke, when she first walked into Lexa’s tent, confident and assertive. Clarke, when they escaped from TonDC, vengeful and hurt. Clarke, when Lexa had threatened Octavia’s life, frustrated and dominant. Clarke, when Lexa had first kissed her, soft and sad and --no. She pushed that thought out of her head. Clarke had not been ready. It was not right to think of that moment. 

That, however, opened the floodgates to all the thoughts from yesterday. Clarke, indignant and defensive, throwing her whole self into saving her people, as she always had done. Looking for solutions even when it seemed there were none to be found. Clarke, smirking as she still found a way to lighten the mood with jokes about Titus --that snake-- even amidst threats of death. Clarke, sombre, concerned, apologetic, yet still resolute. And then Clarke, Clarke who had kissed her. Clarke who had kissed her not because Lexa had kissed her first. Clarke who had kissed her because she wanted to kiss her. How? _Not yet_. Never _. Maybe someday_. Now.

Clarke, who had wrapped her hand around Lexa’s neck, pulled her in, kissed her. Looked straight into her eyes even as tears welled at the edges, silently telling her she mattered for more than her position. Kissed her and practically held her up as her legs shook, hands trembled, breath caught, her whole body overwhelmed and her lips desperate for more. Clarke who had lowered her down to the bed, a single tear falling from those blue eyes, soon melding with the tears rolling from Lexa’s own.

Clarke, who had taken her gentle and slow at first, guiding her sobbing body. Holding her together while simultaneously tearing her whole soul wide open. Allowing Lexa time. Pausing, comforting. Pacing things for Lexa rather than worrying about how little time they really had. Wiping away tears and wrapping around Lexa, tugging frayed nerves back together. Rubbing circles into her back when her body could not stop quivering. Coaxing her into a quiet sleep, chest pressed against her back. Warm. Soft. Safe. 

Clarke, who would do anything for her people, but would also do anything for Lexa. Lexa had been ready the next time. Smiles and nibbles. Clarke, in turn,  had been bolder the second time, when Lexa was no longer clinging desperately to slipping tendrils of existence. The second time had been playful, teasing. Lighter. 

But then Clarke was gone.

Lexa steeled her shoulders, straightening her back to sit higher on her horse. 

Not here, no. Here she was Heda. Lexa knew Titus was wrong, she knew that love was not weakness. She knew that with Clarke she had learned more than she thought was possible. She knew that with Clarke, the peace she had been dreaming of for so long finally started to make sense. This, she knew, was not weakness. However she also knew that Heda did not break down at the forefront of battle. Heda had a duty to be confident and assured, guiding her people to feel the same. She had been training for this since childhood. Learning how to show assertion and confidence, regardless of how bad the situation was. 

It had been interesting for Lexa, as she was generally stoic by nature, and tended to exude an air of confidence regardless of how her emotions may churn against her stomach, or burn in her chest. She didn’t particularly try to be this way, it’s just how she was. Even before she began her training as a natblida, the adults in her village would always chide her.  _ “You’re so serious, Lexa. Go be a kid.” _ Which never made sense to her because she  _ was  _ a kid. 

Her parents never seemed to be bothered by it. They never made the same comments as the other adults in her life. When she would come home, confusion and worry pulling at her gut, asking her parents why everyone kept telling her to be a child like she was supposed to be, they would just smile and pull her into their laps. They assured her that she was doing just fine as their child, that there were many ways to be a child and nothing wrong with her way. Her parents told her she should stick to doing what she enjoyed regardless of what anyone else thought. 

And what she really liked was being helpful, so she stuck with that for the most part. She spent much of her time helping her mother and father, especially with the horses in their small stable. She liked to help when the hunters would return with a fresh kill, carrying meat to the fires, or wrapping it carefully for storage in the winters. She liked caring for the sick and elderly, bringing them soup or tea, helping the healers by collecting water or snow and putting it over the fire to heat. 

What she really didn’t like, however, was injustice. That was the only thing that ever really got her in trouble as a kid. She needed things to be fair and to make sense, and if they weren’t she certainly wasn’t going to let it go unchallenged.

Those were the times when Lexa had always struggled to keep her composure. She’d gotten much better at controlling her emotions as she had grown older and understood herself better. She knew when to walk away now, only losing her temper when particularly stressed or provoked. The same could not be said of when she was a child.

 

**

 

“Luna, you will be paired up with Lexa for this exercise,” Titus directed.

Luna rolled her eyes obviously, not concerned about a reprimand. Titus knew she was the best, and she didn’t understand why he was pairing her with the little pipsqueak from the countryside. The one who would never stop staring at her equally annoying little friend. 

They were supposed to learn from each other, she knew that, but Lexa was so far behind the rest of them she could have learned from anyone. Luna had already been training for over a year, and Lexa had only been here for a few months. Not to mention she was a full three years younger, and Luna towered over her in every respect.

Lexa’s face remained blank as she nodded to Titus, then turned to look up -- way up -- at her training partner. Luna was the oldest of the group, and Lexa had been watching her in training often. She was really good. Coordinated, agile, and graceful. Plus it seemed she could fight well with any weapon, though she tended to favour the spear. 

Lexa had decided to try the spear one day, after watching Luna with it but she hadn’t done so well. While she was tall for her age, Lexa, being one of the youngest, was still quite a bit shorter than most of the other kids. No matter which way she tried to hold the spear, it always seemed to catch on the ground, throwing her off balance if not outright tripping her. They just weren’t made for someone her size.

Lexa looked up to Luna, and so when she heard Titus say they would be paired together, her heart jumped a little bit. This was the first time she had actually gotten to train with Luna, and she was pretty sure she had almost no chance of even landing a single strike on her.

“Well don't look so smug about it,” Luna teased. 

Lexa wasn't sure what she was talking about, because she was feeling anything but smug. Excited and nervous might be more accurate adjectives to describe it. Not that Lexa knew that, she just felt jitters in her stomach and figured perhaps that meant she was “smug”.

She followed Luna over to the weapons rack, where the older girl quickly selected a long wooden staff. Lexa struggled with making her own choice. She knew she couldn't use a staff or a spear, not against Luna for sure. She had been doing well in training with a sword but she thought maybe it would be a bit slow. She finally settled on a pair of wooden daggers. They fit well in her hands and she could fight quickly with them, even though she was still working out how to use both hands independently in combat. 

They walked onto the training pitch and Lexa crouched low, daggers up and a snarl plastered across her face. 

Luna merely laughed at her. “Let's go then  _ goufa _ .”

Lexa charged at her, rushing with her daggers swinging. Luna blocked her attacks easily with a swipe of her staff, intercepting each slash before they could even come close to making contact. Lexa tried striking high and low and was breathless and panting long before Luna even showed any sign of breaking a sweat. 

Lexa, convinced that the offensive wasn't going to get her any success decided to fall back and try some defensive moves. Maybe she could at least block or evade some of Luna's attacks, and if she was lucky maybe land a strike of her own. 

She took a step back, weight on her toes and arms up and ready. Luna, however, didn't make a move to attack. She merely stood with a smirk on her face looking at the feisty child before her. Lexa waited, shifting her weight from foot to foot. 

Luna let out a snort before she turned on her heel and began to walk away. 

“Where are you going?” Lexa asked, confused. 

“I’m thirsty,” Luna called over her shoulder as she continued to walk away. 

Lexa huffed. Luna never took water breaks in the middle of training. She always waited until Titus would call for a break, otherwise she was sparring the whole time. She swiped at her sweaty brow and hurried off after Luna. She supposed she could use a drink as well. 

She picked up her canteen and stood next to Luna where she was leaning against the wall. She chugged her water heartily, still sucking in heavy breaths, staring up at the older girl between gulps. She was starting to feel quite full from all the water, but she noticed Luna had still not even taken a swig from her own canteen. Lexa thought maybe she should stop drinking before she made herself feel sick with water sloshing around in her belly while trying to fight, but she wasn’t really sure if she was allowed to just stand there. So, she continued to drain the canteen, tipping it higher and higher as the water got lower and lower.

Lexa drained the last couple drops, and looking around she saw that all the other natblidas were still sparring. Luna was still just standing there, though Lexa had seen her take a few sips when Titus or one of the other mentors had been looking their direction.

“Can we go practice now?” Lexa asked impatiently.

“I’m not done yet.”

“But you barely even drank anything. You’re just standing there. You’re not even sweating.” Lexa scrunched up her eyebrows.

“I’m not done.” Luna sent a glare down at Lexa before turning away to watch the others.

Lexa let out a quiet huff and went to go refill her canteen, hoping Luna would be ready by the time she returned -- sh e wasn’t.

“Can we practice yet?”

“Nope.” 

“Everyone else is still practicing, and we’ve had a long break now. Are you feeling ill?” Lexa cocked her head slightly to the side.

“Don’t you get it?” Luna rolled her eyes and let out an annoyed sigh.

“Get what?” Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“I’m not going to fight you, Lexa. You’ve hardly been here for more than a few weeks. You’re tiny and you don’t know how to fight. It’s not worth it.”

“But we’re supposed to learn from each other. That’s how we get better.” Lexa stated, very matter of factly. That was, after all, the whole point of training.

“What can I learn from you? You can’t even hit me when I’m not trying. I’m better than you, it’s not worth it.”

“You’re better than everyone, but you still fight with the others. Let me try.” Lexa felt her chest starting to get tight and there was a slight twitch in her jaw.

“No.”

“But Luna, we’re in training. We’re supposed to practice.” Her hands curled into tiny fists at her sides and her shoulders crept up towards her ears.

“So. I can’t practice anything with you.”

“Titus put us together so you have to.”

“I don’t  _ have _ to do anything.”

Luna turned to walk away, but before she had even set one foot down in the other direction, Lexa let out an ear piercing shriek from behind her. 

The scream ripped from Lexa’s throat without even knowing it. She flew at Luna, her tiny arms tackling the taller girl around the waist, fists pounding against flesh as Luna stumbled, caught entirely off guard. The screams didn’t stop pouring from Lexa’s mouth and tears streaked down her cheeks.

Luna managed to twist herself around, using her forearms to block Lexa’s fists. She was surprised by Lexa’s strength, she hadn’t thought someone so small could even knock her over, let alone be a challenge to fend off. Lexa’s fist’s just kept coming, and every time Luna managed to grab a hold of one, Lexa would wrench it away again to slam it back at her. 

Lexa’s screams eventually morphed into gasping sobs, and her fists lost some of their fire. Luna took advantage of the opportunity to push Lexa off of her and scramble backwards out of the way. 

Lexa didn’t try to come at her again though. She just sucked in ragged breaths as sobs wracked her whole body. Her eyes grew wide and panicked even through her tears, and she looked from her hands to Luna, then back to her hands and she was frozen in place.

The other natblidas had all stopped their training and were staring from around the pitch. Titus went over to Luna to check on her, muttering questions about what the hell was going on. Anya, one of the mentors, knelt down next to Lexa and moved to place a comforting hand on her back. 

Lexa immediately shrugged away from the contact, swinging her elbow around to push the offending arm away. Her eyes shot up to Anya’s, glaring her straight in the face, wide and scared and angry,  before she turned and took off, running in no particular direction other than  _ away _ .

 

**

 

“Heda,” A voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

She turned to the warrior who had spoken, and he gestured to the distance where a solitary rider was approaching from Arkadia.

Lexa squinted at the rider. From their posture it looked like they were experienced on horseback, riding smoothly. It was too far to discern much else, the dark clothes could belong to anyone and the skaikru did have a few horses now.

“Send scouts, find out who it is. Make sure they are alone.” She ordered, doubting the skaikru would be ignorant enough to send a single person to attack. It could be a diversion though and she wanted to make sure sure there wasn’t an ambush on its way.

“Yes, Heda,” the warrior acknowledged before stalking off to find a suitable scout.

Lexa took a deep breath, clearing the tension of her memories out of her body. She checked the count that she had scribbled into the saddle earlier, and asked one of the other nearby warriors to check for any updates from the other leaders, in case anyone had not made it to the blockade as expected.

She scanned the horizon again, taking in first the sight of her army, lined up along the ridge and into the trees, continuing out of sight around the perimeter of Arkadia. Her eyes then fell back to the lone rider approaching in the distance. They were slightly closer now, though far enough that she couldn’t make out any distinctive features. She watched as they drew nearer, trying to determine who it could be even though she knew full well that the scouts would have an answer soon.

Analyzing the gait, she became more convinced that it had to be one of her own. The rider was smooth and sure, except for a slight slouch to the -- Indra. It had to be. The stature fit, and as soon as she had noticed the way fluid movements hitched at the right shoulder she had known. 

One of the scouts, it seemed, came to the same conclusion around the same time, because moments later she saw one of them sprinting down the ridge, holding up a hand in the traditional greeting.

Indra moved to return the gesture, but her arm caught before she could raise it. She struggled to lift it further, but the strength was not there, stitches pulled and developing scar tissue made her shoulder stiff and sore. 

Lexa saw this, and understood why Indra hadn’t offered the greeting sooner to identify herself. She watched the scout move up next to her and fall into step beside her, moving quickly to keep pace with the long legs of Indra’s horse. Satisfied that no one was following her, and this hadn’t been set up as an ambush, the scout signalled to Lexa and the other leaders that she was not a threat. 

Lexa started down the hill towards Indra, and several of the other leaders followed, anticipating news on the situation in Arkadia.

“Heda, we must speak in private,” Indra stated, as soon as Lexa reached her side.

Lexa nodded, a quick tip of the chin and turned, motioning for Indra to follow. She led Indra to the tent that had been prepared for her, a map already rolled out on a large table in the centre, with her bed tucked off to the side. 

“Speak freely. You have news from Arkadia? Did Clarke make it there safely?” Lexa tried to keep her voice flat and even, but it pitched up slightly in worry when she asked about Clarke. She scolded herself for allowing her emotions to show in front of the chief.

Indra noticed the pitch in her tone, however chose not to comment. She was still not convinced the blonde girl from the sky was worth her respect. Especially not after what Bellamy had done. If Clarke could trust Bellamy, then she could not be trusted herself. She tolerated her because Heda insisted, but the girl was weak and manipulative. If it weren’t for Octavia and perhaps Kane, Indra would be inclined to wipe out the whole settlement. 

“Yes, we made it without incident. Clarke and Octavia have passed along the message of the blockade and our relevant terms.” Indra paused here, not sure how the Commander would react to the rest of the information she had to share.

“And?” Lexa was impatient for an answer. She cursed herself for being so anxious. She didn't usually allow herself to worry at the edge of conflict. She knew the reality of the dangers, and was used to losing people, she had lost enough already. She’d managed to pull her feelings out of it for years, but now Clarke had dragged them back. She knew it was irrational, worrying wouldn't make any difference to the outcome, but her feelings betrayed her logic. 

Indra took a moment to collect her story, to make sure she had it all prepared so Lexa wouldn't have a chance to dwell on Clarke’s imprisonment. Lexa had always been level headed, but with the way she has been acting about Clarke lately… she didn't want to see the Commander crack as she had with Costia. 

“Clarke and Octavia have been detained by Pike.” She saw Lexa stiffen almost imperceptibly, but she continued on. “They’re being held in a cell with Lincoln and the group who went to Arkadia for medical care last week.” 

Lexa’s jaw twitched. 

“Clarke spoke with Abby,” Indra continued. “She’s come up with a plan, but it's dangerous. It involves the City of Light.”

Lexa’s eyes widened, just barely, with surprise at the mention. She turned to Indra keeping her expression flat except for the slight tell in her eyes and the tension in her jaw.

“How?” 

The City of Light had been relegated to hardly more than a myth. Most of her people didn't even believe in it, and only a few of the affected had been rumoured to have actually made it. It had been a non-issue for decades. The natblidas had all been told of the City of Light during their training, however not much had been shared beyond using caution and not encouraging anyone to pursue it. The rest, their mentors had said, would be divulged on a need to know basis. 

When they were young they had discussed it in whispers at night when prying mentor ears weren’t listening. Coming up with grand stories about what it could be, or where it could be, and why it was so dangerous. The mystery of it had only made it more appealing, but either everyone was really good at keeping the information a secret, or no one really knew much more about it than was shared in training. Eventually the novelty had worn off and the subject had been dropped, barely ever considered by the time the conclave rolled around. 

Lexa's attention shifted back to Indra, where she was rummaging in a pouch with her strong hand, though still struggling a little as her left was not so coordinated. She noticed Indra getting frustrated with the clasp but waited silently for her to open it. When she finally got it open, she withdrew a small blue chip and held it in her palm towards Lexa. 

“Abby says these keys are taking people to the City of Light. She doesn't know how it works but...the sacred symbol.”

Lexa couldn't stop the surprise in her eyes this time. She took the small chip from Indra and turned it over in her hand while Indra continued.

“Abby says they take the key and forget their pain. Physical pain fades, but they also forget emotional pain,” Indra paused, making a face at how ridiculous it all sounded. “Clarke thinks she can use that to our advantage. If everyone forgets the people they’ve lost, and the conflict we’ve had in the past, they will have no reason to fear us. She thinks then they won't see the purpose in following Pike because he’s controlling them with fear.” 

Lexa listened, closing her eyes while still turning the chip slowly in her hand. 

“It does more than just erase pain and memories though, they seem to hallucinate. They close their eyes and claim to be in the City of Light, and talk to someone who isn't there. Abby thinks it could be dangerous, and she’s not sure if she can reverse the chip later. It might not even work, and the payoff might not make up for the loss. She wants to find another way.” 

Lexa opened her eyes when Indra finished. “It will work, but Abby’s right, it will be dangerous. But if Clarke and I can get there on time, we can reverse it. We can get rid of the City of Light forever and make peace with the Skaikru.”

Indra looked even more confused. She had expected Lexa to scoff at the idea, at how stupid it all was. But instead she took it all in stride and even supported the plan? The City of Light was just a story, and surely a city cannot be contained in a small chip. 

“Heda, how can you agree with this? It's ludicrous. The City of Light is a myth. It's just another of Clarke’s plans to manipulate you into sparing her people,” Indra looked disgusted, anger snaking on her tongue. 

“The City of Light is real, Indra, and the plan will work if Clarke and I can get to the island.” Lexa tucked the key inside her coat. 

“The island?”

“It’s best you remain naive. We need to keep this between as few of us as possible. Return to Abby and tell her to move ahead with Clarke’s plan. Give keys only to the strongest supporters of Pike, and make sure none of them leave Arkadia,” her voice was even and sure. 

Lexa turned to exit the tent, and Indra quickly moved to follow her, pressing for more information, urging Lexa to be rational. Lexa merely dismissed her concerns with a twitch of her hand. 

“Send Clarke to meet me as soon as she gets out. There is much we need to discuss.”

“Yes,  _ Heda _ .” Indra ducked her head and followed Lexa out of the tent, walking silently back to their horses. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indra heads back to Arkadia and the plan is finally set into motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took ages I haven't been writing much... It's entirely unbetaed this time so apologies for anything way wrong.

Indra rode briskly back to Arkadia, concealing herself in the trees as long as possible. She tied her horse up at the edge of the thick brush and completed the journey on foot, approaching from the back of the camp as Abby had indicated. 

She saw Harper, who was stationed looking out of a small passageway, well concealed by panels of scrap metal-- the same one Octavia had used to sneak Clarke in a few days prior. Harper motioned for her to follow when she saw Indra, and disappeared inside the Ark. 

“Wait here,” Harper directed as soon as Indra was through the opening. “I'll go get Abby.”

Indra found herself standing in a cramped compartment, hardly more than a body width between two walls. It was filled with piping and wires running along all sides and Indra took a moment to take it all in. It was reminiscent of some of the rooms in the basement of the tower at Polis, but there was so much more crammed in such a small space. 

She marvelled at how all of these wires and tubes had kept the skaikru alive up with the stars for nearly a century. It was no surprise to her that the system had eventually failed. She didn't understand how something like that was even possible to begin with. She couldn't imagine life living in a metal box in the sky, it sounded terrible. You would have to be irrational to even want to endure something like that. 

Perhaps that's why she found the sky people so unbearable -- why there was so much conflict now that they were on the ground. Their experiences and values felt so different. She supposed everyone was really just striving for survival, but running away to the sky didn't seem like an honourable or worthy way to survive as far as she was concerned. 

Being in the cramped space, walls enclosing her on all sides made her skin crawl. She itched to get back outside, to feel the sun and the wind. To feel life. She felt like this any time she had been inside the echoing halls of the Ark, but the feeling was intensified by the fact that she was actually literally inside the walls. 

Indra couldn't help but sigh with relief when Abby finally crawled in through the concealed opening Harper had previously left through. She gave a small nod in greeting, and a moment later Kane crawled through the entrance as well. 

“Indra, it's good to see you.” Kane offered his hand and took Indra’s arm in a firm grasp, clasping her elbow gently with his other hand.

It was the first time he had seen her since Polis and he was grateful to see her alive. He couldn't necessarily say _ well _ , because she looked positively exhausted, and a grimace ghosted across her face every time she moved her arm, briefly replacing the almost permanent scowl he was used to. He wasn't sure he was looking much better himself at this point, so he settled on being glad to see her. 

“You as well,” she responded, a genuine smile tugging up the corners of her mouth for little more than a moment. 

“You spoke with the Commander?” Abby pressed, surprised Indra had returned so quickly. 

“I did,” she answered shortly, not really wanting to continue. 

“What did she say?”

“She advised you to go ahead with Clarke’s plan. She believes it will work.” Indra practically spat the words, as though just the thought left a bad taste in her mouth.

“She does?” Confusion and surprise flickered across Abby’s face. “She knows about the City of Light? Is it safe? Does she know how to reverse it? What else did she say?”

“It's dangerous, but a risk worth taking. She didn't say much else.” The bitterness remained in her voice as she failed to conceal her disapproval of her Heda’s instruction. “She wants to see Clarke as soon as she’s released. They have to do something together to bring down the City of Light. She didn't say what.”

“Well how dangerous is it? What does she know about the City of Light?”

“She wouldn’t say.”

“How can she expect us to go along with it if she won't even tell us what will happen?” Frustration was creeping into her words now. “I’m not going to drug my people and allow my daughter to walk off into danger without any information.”

Indra merely pursed her lips. 

Kane reached out, gently placing his hand on Abby's arm and she turned to him. 

“Abby, how many times have we done the same thing on the Ark? Sometimes information has to be kept quiet. This is probably a need to know basis.”

The frustration evident on her brows didn't soften. “We  _ do _ need to know. This is the safety of our people.” 

Kane tried to put a comforting smile on his face. “Lexa is very practical. She wouldn't approve it if she didn't think it would work.”

“She hasn't seen what it does to people, Marcus. Does she even know? How can we trust her?”

Kane looked to Indra and back to Abby. “She’s chosen not to attack us multiple times already. Why would she try to harm us now? Clarke trusts her…”

“Maybe she just doesn't want to lose any more of her own people. She left us at Mount Weather, she’s seen what our guns are capable of.” Abby waved her arms, gesturing vaguely as if evidence could be seen in the metal walls. “Maybe she’s scared, and this is the perfect opportunity to wipe us out without even trying.”

“Abby, think rationally. It doesn’t make sense for her to do something like that after the way she accepted us into the coalition. You were there, you witnessed the ceremony. I know you don’t trust the City of Light, but what choice do we have? There aren’t enough of us left to take Pike ourselves.”

Abby still fidgeted anxiously, clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation. 

Indra cleared her throat and Kane and Abby both looked to her.

“I do not believe Heda wishes to sabotage you. She…” Indra paused, “she wouldn’t intentionally harm Clarke. Not after all the trouble she has been through thus far.” She had to focus on looking serious to avoid rolling her eyes at all that Lexa had done for Clarke in the past few weeks. Not to mention all of the months she had not-so-subtly demanded updates on Clarke’s health and whereabouts.

Kane gave Abby’s arm a gentle reassuring squeeze, and she let out a long sigh. “I guess you’re probably right. This is the most promising option. As much as I don't like it, we do have to try something.” She turned back to Indra. “So she just wants me to start handing these keys out again? Did she mention any precautions?”

Indra shook her head. “Just don't give them to anyone who is already against Pike. As few people as is possible to get the job done.”

“Right.” Abby was pacing and wringing her fingers together. “Let's start with the head guards then.” 

Kane nodded his agreement. 

“I will be waiting just beyond the brush. Send updates with anything you need to pass along to Heda. Have Clarke meet me when she’s able.” Indra tipped her head to Kane before crawling out of the tight space and moving quickly back to the cover where she would wait with her horse. 

Kane peeked out the entrance back to the Ark, checking that the hall was empty. Seeing there was no one there, he motioned for Abby to follow and they made their way out of the crawl space and rushed to her office in the medical bay. 

“We should give most of these back to Jaha,” Abby suggested. “People seek him out for the City of Light, so if anyone is going to get this done quickly it will be him. Pike won't suspect anything from him either.”

“I will go make sure the rest of our team are informed of the plan. Give me a few keys, the more of us we have to spread them the better.”

Abby withdrew a handful of keys from the bag and passed them to Kane reluctantly. 

“It's going to be okay,” he reassured. 

“You don't know that,” Abby said through pursed lips. 

“We have to hope,” Kane answered, offering one last solemn smile before heading out of the office to find Sinclair and the others. 

He hoped Harper and Miller would be able to distribute some keys among the guards to start weakening Pike’s defenses quickly. At least some of the guards trusted them. If they could get just a few guards to take one, he knew it would spread as it had with Jaha. He had to admit he thought it was a pretty clever plan, in spite of Abby’s reluctance. He understood better than most how much hope could come from belief, growing up with his mother. It was dangerous, but it seemed like it could work. He just hoped they would be able to bring everyone back after. 

Abby glanced over at the picture of her family sitting on her desk. The three of them on the Ark. Smiling. Happy. Simple. Together. She reached out and ghosted her finger across the cracked glass of the frame. Not anymore. She clutched the pouch and turned out of the office.  _ I hope Clarke is right about this.  _

 

_ \-- _

 

“You've changed your mind?” Jaha questioned, a smile on his face. 

“I've seen the good it's done for Raven, and some of my other patients. Their pain is gone, they're happy. I don't want to deny others of that chance simply because I don't understand it.”

Jaha’s eyes glowed as Abby handed over the bag of keys. 

“I've kept a few, to give to some of my patients who could benefit the most, and for study because I still want to know how they work.”

“That’s fine. Thank you, Abby. I'm glad you were able to see the benefit. The City of Light can do great things for all of us. Let me know when you are ready to join us, we would be happy to have you.” 

“Not yet, but thank you, Tholonius.” She plastered a smile across her face, hoping it looked convincingly genuine. 

He cupped his hands around Abby's and his smile crinkled at the corners of his eyes. “We’ll be waiting for you.” 

She patted his hand in return before pulling away to leave. 

 

\--

 

“Why is she returning the keys so suddenly, yet is reluctant to take one herself?” Alie questioned as Abby walked away. 

“She’s sensible. She's realized how much the City of Light can help people. Her job is to heal people and she understands how, with the City of Light, we can achieve that permanently,” Jaha answered. 

“She was tense.”

“That's because she just doesn't understand yet. She'll come around. She's given them back and that’s what counts.”

Alie quirked her head to the side. 

“We can trust her,” Jaha assured. “I've known her a long time. She hasn’t let me down before.”

Alie flickered through forgotten memories of Abby’s betrayal on the Ark. She saw her using Raven to refurbish a dropship behind his back, hacking into the PA system to announce the failing life support, refusing to return his position as chancellor on the ground. She lifted an eyebrow but said nothing further. 

 

\--

 

Abby went to search for Miller, hoping Marcus had already spoken to him. She needed him to let Clarke know they were moving ahead with her plan, and to make sure she knew to speak with Lexa when she was finally out of the holding cell. 

After searching several wings, receiving questioning glares from guards as they watched her walk past, she finally found Miller moving down a hallway. He was already headed towards the lockup and she sighed with relief. 

“You've spoken to Kane?” she asked, glancing around them to make sure no one was listening. 

Miller nodded. 

“Good. Did he give you some keys?”

Miller pulled a few out of his pocket, showing them to Abby. 

“Get them to guards who have frequent contact with Pike’s main supporters. We have to be strategic.”

Miller nodded again and started back down the hall. 

“Miller?”

He paused and turned. 

“Tell Clarke to come see me before she leaves?”

Miller gave a reassuring smile. “Of course, Dr. Griffin.”

“Thank you,” Abby smiled back, genuine gratitude apparent on her face. 

 

\--

 

Miller rounded the corner to lock up, and saw the guards stationed there huddled up in the corner, talking to some of the prisoners through the bars. They hadn't noticed him approaching so he stayed as quiet as possible, listening in on their conversation. He met Clarke's eyes and gave her a quick nod in greeting before motioning for her to stay quiet. 

From the hushed snippets he could hear, he gathered that the group was talking about the City of Light. They must have spun a convincing story because the guards looked wholeheartedly interested in every word they were saying. 

Miller cleared his throat and took several steps forward. The guards startled and stood a bit taller, shuffling away from the gate. 

“I've been sent to check on the prisoner. Clarke?”

Clarke moved towards the gate. “She’s stable. Not doing well, but her condition hasn’t gotten worse. It would help if we could get an IV pole, so someone doesn't have to stand there the whole time.” She narrowed her eyes and gestured to the grounder standing next to Denae’s bed. 

“No weapons. You seem to be managing without.”

“It's not a weapon, it's medical equipment,” she bristled. 

“We’ve all seen what they're capable of with a staff. It's not happening.”

The other guards snickered and relaxed back into the wall a bit. 

“What do you think the Commander is going to do if another grounder dies on Pike’s watch. You think the blockade is going to wait forever?” Clarke laced her voice with bitterness. 

“She's not going to die, but even if she did, good riddance.” Miller threw in a disgusted snort for effect. “The commander won't find out anyways, because none of you are getting out of here. Pike is working on a plan as we speak.”

“What, he thinks he can take them with guns?”

Miller nodded. 

“Tough luck. There are thousands of them and they’re ready for an attack this time. Anyways, what did Dr. Griffin say?”

“She said you were right,” he paused here, taking a moment to meet her eyes to make sure she knew what he meant. “And that she expects the grounder will be fine with time and antibiotics.”

He glanced to the side and noticed the other guards had lost interest and slipped back into conversation with the group of prisoners. 

Lowering his voice he continued. “We’re moving ahead with your plan. Lexa approved it. She wants to see you as soon as you're out. Abby said to stop by before you leave.”

Clarke nodded. “Thanks. I will.”

Miller met her eyes one last time. “We’ll get through this. We always do.”

They shared a pained smile before Miller stepped back and turned to the other guards. 

Clarke moved back to stand next to Denae, pretending to check on her while watching the guards from the corner of her eye. She watched Miller step in close to them, and the hushed snippets of conversation she could overhear, along with the way the prisoner’s faces lit up she knew he was talking about the City of Light. 

Miller reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple of the blue chips, holding them out for the guards to see.

“Those are the ones,” she heard the prisoners whisper excitedly.

The guards looked around and snatched them quickly out of Miller’s hand. They each popped one into their mouths with only a moment of hesitation, waiting expectantly as the small tablets dissolved on their tongues.

“How long does it take?”

“Not long. You should feel it soon. Alie will come to you.”

The guards waited, looking to each other wondering if this was really going to work.

“Holy shit,” the one guard breathed about a minute later.

“This is amazing,” the other responded.

“Not gonna lie, Alie is way hotter than I was expecting.” He then blushed, turning his head sheepishly. “Sorry, I… I didn’t think you would hear that.” A pause as though he was listening. “Well they certainly did a good job on that front then… Yeah, I sure hope so. It seems to be so far.”

The prisoners glowed with happiness, clearly ecstatic that their recruitment seemed to be back on track.

“Now you see?” one of them urged. “If we all go to the City of Light none of this will matter anymore. Alie will take care of us.”

Miller, satisfied that the guards were sufficiently sold on it, pulled several more keys from his pocket. “Take them. Pass them along if people want them. Too many of us have suffered too much already.”

The guards took them greedily, stashing them quickly into their own pockets, thanking Miller for bringing the keys to them.

He turned to leave, calling out behind him, “I’ll be back to check on the prisoners in a few hours.”

 

\--

 

Abby brushed aside the plastic flaps as she entered the medical bay. She didn’t have many patients now that the grounders were all in lockup, but there were a few arkers left. She paused to check how several of those who were awake were feeling. 

She was just bending over the last patient to listen to their lungs when Jackson stepped out from around the corner where her office was. He startled when he saw her, unsure whether he should continue forward or duck back behind the wall. He decided to act casually, to avoid the chance of Abby walking straight into him hiding in her office. 

“How are they?”

“Oh, Jackson! It’s good to see you. I’m just checking them over. The rest seem to be doing well, or sleeping soundly. Have you made any progress studying those keys?”

Jackson shifted uncomfortably. “Not yet. I stepped out for a break since most of our patients were sleeping. Haven’t found anything new.”

Recognizing that he was on the wrong side of the room to have come through the same entrance she had moments before, she opened her mouth to question it but caught herself before she said anything. Why would he have lied to her? What was he doing in her office? She had nothing to hide from him, or at least she thought as much up until now.

“I need you to get back to work on them. I’ve decided to return them to Jaha and we need to figure out exactly what they’re doing to people. If it’s dangerous, I need to know.”

“Why the change of heart?” Jackson asked, a little too much enthusiasm and curiosity in his voice for Abby to be comfortable with it.

Luckily, she was spared from needing to answer by Raven barrelling her way into the medical bay.

“Abby, I need to talk to you.” Her eyes darted to Jackson. “Privately.”

His eyes flashed, and a dark smirk tugged at his cheek.

Abby looked between the two of them, furrowing her eyebrows. “We can speak in my office.”

She beckoned Raven into the small office, shutting the door smoothly behind them.

“Abby, I need to get this thing out of my head.”

A look of concern crossed Abby’s face. “What’s happening, Raven?”

Raven clenched and unclenched her fists, pacing back and forth across the small space. “It’s Alie. She’s making me do things. Things I shouldn’t do, but she makes me forget that. She’s controlling everything. Abby, she’s making me forget things I never wanted to forget.”

“What do you mean?”

“She had me hack into the main servers on the Ark. She’s looking for a rewrite of her program, I'm not sure why. She had me so convinced that it was important, that I did it without even questioning it.” She pressed the heel of her hand firmly into her forehead, trying to force herself into thinking clearly. 

“Then Jasper and I… we broke into Pike’s office. We tried to steal back the key maker. Alie doesn't want anything standing in her way. But when we were there, I realized I can't remember things that I should. Jasper asked me about someone named Finn, and I don't even know who that is. He said he was my best friend, my boyfriend for a while, and I don't remember any of it. I don't remember his face or his name or what he was like. I need this thing  _ out. _ ”

She dragged her fingers roughly through her hair, digging her nails against her scalp. “I need  _ her _ out.” 

Abby pulled Raven’s hands away from her skull, placing her own hands firmly on Raven’s shoulders and giving a reassuring squeeze. 

“Jackson and I are working on it. We’ll figure something out.”

“Jackson? No, he's not. He's with Alie too.”

Abby’s face paled. Suddenly understanding Raven’s reluctance to speak freely around him. It also explained the change in his demeanour she had been wondering about.  _ Shit.  _ She definitely couldn't trust him to study the keys now. Had he actually come from her office before? What had he been looking for if so?

She sighed with relief at the fact that Jackson at least hadn't been around to hear their plan, and that Raven had showed up before she’d told him anything. 

Abby brushed a hand through her hair, tucking stray bits back into her ponytail. “I… I'll figure something out. We’re going to get you back.”

Alie stepped up behind Raven, crossing her arms across her chest. “She gave the keys back to Tholonius, you know.” Her voice echoed in Raven’s head, calm, assertive, and foreign. 

“She wouldn't,” Raven’s face twisted in confusion. 

“What?” Abby asked. 

“Ask her,” Alie urged, voice cold.

“Abby, did you give the keys back to Jaha?” 

Abby looked at her in silence, lips pursed. She gave a curt nod, eyes shifting to the floor.

“How could you? Abby, we have to get them back.”

Abby shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. “I had to. I didn't know. Raven, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Find out why,” Alie urged. 

“No.” Tears rolled down Raven’s cheeks and she swiped furiously at her eyes. “I'm not doing anything for you. Not anymore.”

“Aren't you curious, Raven? She was so disappointed in you, yet now she’s given them back. Why?”

“I don't care why!” Raven screamed, pressing her fists hard against her temples. “I don't care, I just want you out. I want my life back.”

Abby reached out her arms and pulled Raven’s shaking body in close. She ran soothing hands through Raven’s hair and across her back. 

“We’ll figure it out. Clarke’s here and --”

“Don't. Don't tell me anything. Alie is suspicious of you already and anything I know, she knows. Don't tell me, just fix it.”

Abby squeezed her tight. “I will. We will.”

 


End file.
